What if some of the symptoms aren't present? Do people present differently?

[Diddle]

Hey,
So this is my first post, I want to start I'm at the start of the this journey, but obviously if I've got to the point where I believe my OH has BPD then I'm a long way in.
We have been together for 19 years, have 3 children. I have searched online many times, for possible answers to the way OH (sorry I don't know the abbreviations yet) behaves. ruled some out, ruled some in.
So my main question to settle my brain today is: from what I know, OH fits every criteria for aggression, paranoia, sabotaging, jealousy, mood swings etc. but he doesn't do the self sabotaging in a big way? he doesn't spend too much, (he does spend to make himself feel better, and drink and eat, but not in a extreme way) isn't promiscuous (as far as I Know) doesn't self harm.
so does anyone else has partners like this, where their focus is more emotional, and the need for reassurance to the extreme, but not physically self damaging to him?

thanks for trawling through my waffle, this is a crazy maze of thoughts and emotions and analysis at the moment, I am so torn between how to feel about this.

many thanks
Diddle

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Diddle:
Most people posting on this forum are dealing with people with BPD traits.  A BPD diagnosis can be subjective and many who end up with a formal diagnosis have had a different diagnosis in the past.  Having one or two less traits, than the number required for an official diagnosis (by a professional), doesn't make an individual less difficult for family & loved ones to deal with.

There isn't a magic treatment for someone with an official BPD diagnosis.  Although some meds can help set the stage for people who want to get therapy & make improvements, there is no magic pill that will just fix them.

The best thing you can do is to learn skills & techniques to manage how you interact & react.  Setting personal boundaries & enforcing them is essential.

It can be helpful for you to share some examples of your biggest problems & ask for advice on how to handle things better from your perspective.  The workshops have a lot of good skills to check out.  You can find a link from the "Tools" menu inside the large green band at the top of the page.