Trying to educate myself regarding BPD father

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm new here.  I've read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I'm going through the workbook now.  I didn't realize BPD fit my father so well until about 6 weeks ago.  For the previous 6 months I've been having a very hard time.  My father lashed out at me in a text that confused the hell out of me.  I'm a grown woman and I stopped talking to him because of that one text.  Tough part is, he is a business partner.  He had an accident several years ago and was instantly paralyzed from the chest down. We've all helped take care of him, but have slowly pulled away because he has become so awful.  I suspect he was always that awful, but because he could move around in the world on his own power it kept his terrible personality "at bay".  I am trying to learn how to function with him in my life and not take things so personal.  I did really well at this until that text 6 months ago.  Now I'm working on strategies to be able to deflect his rage, and build up my own confidence again.  I'd like to interact with him in a healthy way.  He is so very smart and I have so much to learn business wise from him, but he sure makes it tough to want to be around him.  Just reading what other people have written is very helpful.  Helps me to know I'm not crazy. 

[Coral Atlanta]

I'm new here.  I've read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I'm going through the workbook now.  I didn't realize BPD fit my father so well until about 6 weeks ago.  For the previous 6 months I've been having a very hard time.  My father lashed out at me in a text that confused the hell out of me.  I'm a grown woman and I stopped talking to him because of that one text.  Tough part is, he is a business partner.  He had an accident several years ago and was instantly paralyzed from the chest down. We've all helped take care of him, but have slowly pulled away because he has become so awful.  I suspect he was always that awful, but because he could move around in the world on his own power it kept his terrible personality "at bay".  I am trying to learn how to function with him in my life and not take things so personal.  I did really well at this until that text 6 months ago.  Now I'm working on strategies to be able to deflect his rage, and build up my own confidence again.  I'd like to interact with him in a healthy way.  He is so very smart and I have so much to learn business wise from him, but he sure makes it tough to want to be around him.  Just reading what other people have written is very helpful.  Helps me to know I'm not crazy. 

[Turkish]

That's a very tough row for your dad, I can imagine how hard it wpuld be and given BPD traits, so much harder. Is "we" other family? What in the workbook do you find helpful or think would be helpful? It must also be a shocking revelation to look back and realize that he was always difficult.

Our lessons here incorporate those strategies, but it might help to start small and get an idea of your most significant struggles and start with basic tools like:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

T

[stargazer95]

Hi! welcome to the BPD family. your circumstances sound very difficult. My mother suffers from BPD and I found out about 2 years ago. It was truly difficult to look back at all childhood memories and realize the horrible treatment I had received it for what it was; emotional abuse. I have decided to go no contact for the time being with my parents but I cant even imagine how hard it must be to discover this trait in a parent and have to work with them. I do laud you though for being able to still see the good in him and see that despite difficult traits, your dad does have business wisdom and that gives you a way to manage your relationship with him. It takes time for the relationship to transform to something healthier. Good luck and hang in there