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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: This is how you feel 6 months after your uBPD ex gf lefter you for someone else.  (Read 350 times)
Teddy007
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: broken up
Posts: 69


« on: February 25, 2020, 04:17:51 PM »

" That impossible anger strangling the grief until the memory of your loved one is just poison in your veins. And one day you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain."

- Ras Al Ghul

Yes it is from ta movie but it is indeed words of wisdom described near the pain that it feels to go through this.



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Lucky Jim
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5861


« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2020, 03:14:43 PM »

Hey Teddy, I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain.

Another way to look at it is that now the other guy has to deal with her BPD symptoms.

What are some of the things you don't miss?  For example, verbal tirades, emotional explosions, jealousy, manipulation, drama, turmoil, prolonged arguments, violence towards you or your property, etc.

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Rev
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Divorced
Posts: 336


The surest way to fail is to never try


« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2020, 03:36:47 PM »

Hey Teddy, I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain.

Another way to look at it is that now the other guy has to deal with her BPD symptoms.

What are some of the things you don't miss?  For example, verbal tirades, emotional explosions, jealousy, manipulation, drama, turmoil, prolonged arguments, violence towards you or your property, etc.

LuckyJim

This really worked for me - I made a list and re-read it every time I started feeling like this. Eventually you get to a place where you just happily move on.
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Raul
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« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2020, 06:32:31 AM »

I also made a list. The negative side was so long! the positive things were so few that even when I look at it now it makes me wonder why I was in the relationship for that long (10 years). I was a caretaker and blinded.

Looking back now, we fall for that love bombing that takes place at the beginning when we are their heroes, the best, we keep remembering that despite the fact that the reality shifts rather quickly. Sadly, once it moves it’s gone. I only experienced the positives again once, when she tried to recycle me after the demise. It didn’t last long. So for me now the long list of negatives, was the real deal.
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Las1604

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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Broken Up
Posts: 34


« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2020, 09:45:08 AM »

I was in some weird friend zone that lasted a couple months after the breakup before I couldn't take it anymore. Would tell me she's dating people, would ask me if I was dating people. She would get drunk and tell me how I'm dating other girls and it's not right (number one, I'm not dating anyone, and number two, she dumped me Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)).

I unblocked her after a month of NC because she sent me an email and seemed in a bad way. Called me drunk a couple weeks ago asking to come over. She didn't because she was plastered, and I haven't heard from her since. I'm sure she'll be back. It's such a crazy dynamic. I still love her.

What gets me now is the memory loss / dissociation. She either forgot, or rebuilt memories we had together and altered them completely. It's crazy.

In a sad, sad way, I almost don't want to stop loving her or forget how I felt about her. It's a fear that if I don't remember, neither of us will, and it's a fear I'll never feel like that about someone again.
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Rev
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Divorced
Posts: 336


The surest way to fail is to never try


« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2020, 10:57:31 AM »

Interesting thread - if only for the honesty of what every is either feeling now or has felt in the past.

I was just wanting to suggest that some of us might consider CBT as way to retrain our minds in a different way.

Has been helpful for me.  Maybe it might be helpful for others as well.

Rev
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Las1604

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Broken Up
Posts: 34


« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2020, 01:25:22 PM »

Interesting thread - if only for the honesty of what every is either feeling now or has felt in the past.

I was just wanting to suggest that some of us might consider CBT as way to retrain our minds in a different way.

Has been helpful for me.  Maybe it might be helpful for others as well.

Rev


Agreed - I'm going through some CBT right now!
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Teddy007
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What is your relationship status with them: broken up
Posts: 69


« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2020, 04:50:39 PM »

I was in a better place for a few months. But now i am just feeling empty and sad. My mind is tricking me and i am only remembering the good times, and places we visit. A lot of the places around here "the country side" we visited together so it is triggers everywhere.

I haven´t seen her and been in NC for almost 3 months now after some really bad charming she did to me. She got engaged with the new guy about 3 months after she left me for him and the final stage of the triangulation ended.

I have done this, made a list and trying to remember all the bad. But lately it is like some kind of nostalgia that i am remembering all these new memories, small things of good days and they feel like just moments ago. I think it has to do with coming out of the shock maybe.

I have been so angry for so long and it is like the anger has now turned to sadness. I am also feeling really lonely and maybe this is a trigger as well. It has only been shy under 6 months so it is a short time and i know it is a process. But the loneliness has just been over me stronger than ever before. 

I have gotten back to my normal life and everyday routine with a few changes, I have stopped smoking a few months ago, and cut down on the drinking to almost nothing. I work more and hit the gym even harder then ever. Still i just don´t feel much like doing anything else or should we say i feel like i am on autopilot and not really feeling alive.

Life is calm and i am more healthy yes and i really don´t feel the drama. But maybe i am still trauma bonded to her, in it is the addiction to her that i still feel. I do miss her, and loved her dearly and make it was not real but still it was real for me, the love bombing, the good days and all of it.

I do wonder if she thinks about me? She has made a smear campaign against me and what i understand and hear she still does. She is still painting me black to everyone whom wants to hear and going around telling lies.

Still i really don´t care about that i just feel that i want to know how she really feels and having a hard time accepting the BPD/NPD diagnose that i put on her. Need to trust the process and remind myself of all the evil she did and all the chaos she brought upon my life.

Sry for the long post just needed to went, i am truly grateful for this forum and to the people her. Cheers
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Longterm
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Divorce in progress
Posts: 566



« Reply #8 on: March 03, 2020, 05:46:14 PM »

Hi Teddy007  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

Excerpt
  I was in a better place for a few months. But now i am just feeling empty and sad

Your mood will shift. I like to think of it as ups and downs and part of the process. I noticed that the length of these "ups" does get longer and the length of the "downs" generally decreases. I got to the point I feel that my brain grew tired of down periods and I reminded myself that at some point I would go back up again, indeed it always happened. I found this helped me deal with the down periods better.

Keep on with what your doing, you'll get there  Smiling (click to insert in post)

LT.
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