I am a therapist myself and fell quickly into a serious relationship with someone three years ago. He would have explosive out of control behavior then be totally fine and an amazing partner. He explained his explosiveness as ADHD and trauma from past relationships. I foolishly believed that he could improve. We had a child and bought a house where he lives but I don't really know anyone. After two years he is regularly explosive and scary. He has begun therapy after a few really scary incidents after which he agreed to get help. I don't know if he is honest with his therapist. I am starting to believe that he only complains about me and lies. I've begun catching him lying more and more but he really seems to believe his lies. He has had a lot of head trauma so I assumed that was part of it but am beginning to gather that he was like this long before having head trauma. I am a mental health therapist myself and have one parent who is likely BPD and used to act like that. I feel very triggered by his explosiveness, lying, and generally not making any sense. He quickly goes to cruel, untrue accusations that make no sense and we cannot work out a disagreement, only ignore it and move on as he prefers. I want to make our relationship work for our daughter. I know that I do things to contribute to the issue and am trying to learn more about what works for people who love someone with BPD qualities. I'm tired of being exhausted and ill from the roller coaster. I've never even liked roller coasters.
