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Author Topic: >Confused and afraid about my partner  (Read 178 times)
Puzzleinreverse
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Dating/living together
Posts: 1


« on: March 29, 2020, 11:02:30 AM »

So, I don't exactly know how to start this but I hope that there's someone out here that can give me insight. If any of this resonates with anyone please help.

I have been with a gal for 6 years. One of the best and worst years of my life. Towards the beginning of our 6 year together, her illness took a hold on her to a dangerous level that prompted me to get her taken to a mental hospital. It was at this facility that they diagnosed her with BPD and other things like PTSD. Once we had a proper diagnosis-if that's the proper term- she started going to therapy and taking medication. For a while, things started to look brighter but also so much darker.

Two weeks ago she relapsed in a way that compromised both of our safety in an almost potentially fatal way...and I decided that enough was enough (not because i really wanted to, but was convinced by my social support that things were just too dangerous and needed to). So the day after her relapse we broke up, and in some ways the split catalyzed her being the girl I always saw underneath. I have been the more responsible one in the realtionship: managing finances, doing chores, cooking. Often times she struggled the same responsibilities I did but she would at least try in areas. It wasnt until after our break up that I started to see her change and become more responsible (not that it wasnt a priority for her, but that she now made it hers after I was gone). Because of the changes I decided to give her another chance but my social support went up in a fury because of it. She is currently going through dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) and is a smart capable gal. There are days where I'm confused and feel myself slipping and she helps me to work on my problems from a new perspective with what she learns from dbt. There are days where she slips and from our discussion we both try to use dbt to help bring her back.

Underneath the illness is a girl I love and care for dearly, but in the words of my best friend "am I what's best for her?" Is being in her life when she is finally getting better weighing down her growth? I don't want to fix her, I just want to be with her. Everyone in my life does not hate her, in fact, they say positive things about her but they mostly agree that I should leave. I even asked her therapist if there was a possibility of things working out, and she said that if it was in both of our values to save the relationship we could; especially because my gal was on the right track and had been showing signs of improvement. I want to believe her but I also know that my social support has seen me go on this rollercoaster for too long. Being with a BPD changes the way you feel and perceive the world...I want to stay and work things out but I'm confused and afraid.
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

pursuingJoy
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
Posts: 556



« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2020, 07:50:36 AM »

Being with a BPD changes the way you feel and perceive the world...I want to stay and work things out but I'm confused and afraid.

My goodness I feel this. I wasn't like this before I got married. I felt strong and confident and clearheaded.

Many of us also know what it's like when our social supports want us to leave. We won't tell you what to do here. We offer information, hope and encouragement. There's no magic pill but it can get better. We trust that you'll to know what, how and when to do whatever it is that feels true to you.

You said you're afraid. Can you share a little more about what you're afraid of?

We're here.  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
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   Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? ~CS Lewis
Radcliff
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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Fond memories, fella.


« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2020, 01:14:57 AM »

Welcome

pursuing_Joy asks a good question.  Tell us more about what you're afraid of.

RC
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