Son 21

[Cyg22]

Hello I am new to this group. My son has had a lot of treatment
But the place he is staying now says he has borderline traits
This makes sense to Me as I have read more about it
And last 3 doctors indicate possible bipolar : but the meds for bipolar have not really helped and is mood swings seem to depend More on circumstances.
We insisted on treatment after recent suicidal gestures
Have other parents had a hard time convincing their young adult to accept treatment?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Cyg22...welcoming you

Glad you found us...sorry you felt the need to.

What worse could there be to strike absolute fear into a parent's heart than having their child talk about suicide?  You are certainly not the only one who has posted about that in/on this forum.

So now with our adult children...troubled children...it is not the same as when they were small and we would insist that they do something and, for the most part, they would maybe sulk but eventually comply. 

I well remember telling our verbally abusive daughter, who I feared might get physical, that the only way our relationship could continue was if we all went to joint counselling.  She said absolutely not...and it hasn't happened.  We are estranged.  So-be-it!

In your case, though, you fear for your son's safety.  That is a whole other story but I hope you can some comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

There are no quick fixes to any of our problems we face with these children of ours.  We keep putting one foot in front of the other...reaching out to professionals for advice...looking for that by ourselves.  This website, Cyg22, has a wealth of information...even videos that play-act certain techniques to use.

I ask that you be patient as you start to post here.  These are different times, for sure.  While during a more "normal" time your post would have received many replies, those people who would be replying are more than likely putting out other fires.

I have written before, will be writing it again and again, that part of the healing for me has been to put my fingers on the keyboard and pour out my heart...my hurts.  What has been nice to follow is the one person or another who reached back, letting me know that someone is listening to me.  I am letting you know that you are being heard. 

I hope you keep coming back, letting us know as much or as little you feel comfortable in telling about the rocky journey you have been on with your son.  For instance...what kinds of treatment has he received?  What has worked...what hasn't worked? 

Once again welcoming you, Cyg22. 

Huat

[Bandiro]

Hi Cyg22.
I would also like to welcome you to the board.
As to your question about therapy, my daughter is also resistant to the idea. She has been in therapy on and off for the past couple years (more off than on), but I was finally able to get her to go on a somewhat regular basis after a suicide attempt last fall. It’s been difficult to keep her in therapy though, partially because of logistics with her being back and forth between home and college. She also says therapy “doesn’t work” and she is now refusing therapy because she doesn’t want to do video sessions. So she is not at all committed. I’m not even sure if she knows BPD is her issue and DBT is her best hope for recovery.
My plan is to try to convince her to start back into regular therapy when she can start doing in person sessions again. Hopefully she will, because she is not getting better on her own. But she has to want to get better - I can’t force it.
So no real advice on how to get someone with BPD to accept therapy that isn’t interested, other than to keep reminding them that it can make a big difference in their lives if they commit to it.