Living with my 20 year old daughter

[BlueBunny]

My daughter has been living with BPD for quite a while now...well, we all have I guess. I also have a 15 yr old son. He's a completely different personality from his sister. I split from their dad when my daughter was 8, and for years it was the 3 of us. I have a new partner now, he's been part of our family for about 5 years now.
My daughter struggles with anxiety and depression and a few other things that seem to be common with BPD. She moved out at 18 because life was a constant battle and she refused to follow the most basic house rules. She bounced around for a couple of years, no job, using drugs, etc.. Then this Jan she spent 2 1/2 months in an addiction recovery program but left 2 weeks before it finished. The change was amazing, and she moved back in with us until she could get sorted out.
That didn't last, she has used drugs a couple times, and is back to being secretive, argumentative, and ignoring house rules. The stress on everyone is huge, including her.
I'm not going to kick her out in the middle of a pandemic but need some better strategies to cope and keep us all safe.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome,
 It is truly heartbreaking when they relapse and go back to old ways, isn't it? They are in the midst of recovery and then you feel safe helping, all for it to collapse again and start out at square one. I am not sure of your financials during the covid crisis, but a therapist for you could assist with coming up with boundaries and more importantly some consequences ( that you can live with) for life with your daughter. One example of a boundary could be if she gets argumentative, then either she/ you all go into another room to de escalate the situation. This is very difficult, I know, and it will also take time to implement. It is important for you to realize everyone in the household is equally important and you all have rights as well as your daughter. 
   

[Overwhelmed73]

Hello.
I hear and understand your struggle. I too am finding it difficult to navigate through this illness.my 21 old was just hospitalized and its not safe for her ,her 11yr old brother or myself for her.to return back home. I am struggling with her having nowhere to go too. But reading other ppls stories has made me understand and realize I am not alone- although it feels.like it on daily basis. I wish you luck and stay safe

[livednlearned]

Hi BlueBunny,

I'm sorry to be just catching up on posts. It's a promising sign that your daughter went to rehab and made some progress. For most of us, progress is never linear and living back home may cause her to regress out of no fault of yours. I notice when adult children return to live at home, even ones who are not suffering from BPD, there is a regression to more immature behaviors.

What are some of the main behaviors challenging you and your 15 year old? Maybe we can walk with you and try to share what has worked for us.