HI, I need help

[Depression = 72% of members]

My mom is suffering with BPD and I need advice about boundaries. It's complicated. Is there a support group?

[Cara L]

My mom is suffering with BPD and I need advice about boundaries. It's complicated. Is there a support group?

[GaGrl]

Welcome!

This forum provides help and support for partner and family disaffected by someone with BPD -- you've found the right place.

A number of people here have mother's with BPD, and boundaries (and how to maintain them) is a frequent topic.

Can you tell us more about your particular situation? Do you live with your mother? Do you have boundaries that she is trying to burst? What is the biggest issue that concerns you right now?

[Cara L]

My mom is suffering with BPD and I need advice about boundaries. It's complicated. Is there a support group?

My mom is suffering with BPD and I need advice about boundaries. It's complicated. Is there a support group?

Welcome!

This forum provides help and support for partner and family disaffected by someone with BPD -- you've found the right place.

A number of people here have mother's with BPD, and boundaries (and how to maintain them) is a frequent topic.

Can you tell us more about your particular situation? Do you live with your mother? Do you have boundaries that she is trying to burst? What is the biggest issue that concerns you right now?

My biggest concern right now is whether it's ok to do the silent treatment. My mom is 88 and this is a recent diagnosis, but my three sisters and I have been suffering all of our lives along with Mom. My mother is verbally and physically abusive and we had to rescue my 96-year-old Dad from her. He reported the abuse and asked for help many times. I brought him to my house to live in safety this year, then got him into a memory care community. He died in March. My sister now has COVID. My mother lives in sister's house and we have no where to move her, as all assisted living places are closed. I am weary of being scapegoated and I need some space.

[GaGrl]

Who is doing the silent treatment -- your mother giving silent treatment to you? Or you (and your sisters?) Being silent to your mother?

We discuss here the coping techniques of LC (Low Contact) and NC (No Contact). This might be what you are asking?

Many adult children of BPD parents find that they need space from years of emotional, verbal, even physical abuse. Some can put boundaries in place and maintain a level of low to medium contact. Some find that they need no contact at all in order to heal from past abuse and to protect from the parent's continued abusive behavior.

As to practicalities right now, can you contact the social services in your county that deals with elder needs? Can your mother's physician assist with resources?