left her house yesterday and think its a final breakup. not feeling her anymore

[sebian77]

Hey guys just wanted to vent on some things that i've come to realize. Last night we got in a big fight after our constant on again and off again relationship but this time i dont have much desire at all to rekindle with her. Its been too much heartache even though i love her. Anyway there has been alot of very emotionally tough things to deal with being in this relationship with her. shes taking a beating on me no doubt. I have some insecurity issues and jealousy triggers and so at first i blamed myself for alot of my reactions but have realized its her lack of respect. A loving relationship respects each partners vulnerabilities and honors them and I forsure did that to her. It turns out she had little intention of doing the same for me. She told me way too much information about her exes and her sex life with them. She told me about being offered threesomes. She told me about guys hitting on her. She told me things about her partying days that I did not need to know. She is from Los Angeles and so am I. We met in a different state that we currently reside but I also partied in LA and its a bit of a sin city. You can go hard if you want to. Anyway many eons ago I had my partying days and I am 150% a different person now for years. That was a complete other life and i was young. Anyway, she had her wild years too which happened to extend into a much later age than I. I kept most of these gruesome details of my past out of respect for her because I know it would trigger a reaction. I know she wouldnt want to hear that i did meth for a short stint or the kind of people i was hanging around with. With all this in mind, she told me way too much info about her past partying and sex...rapes included (i feel bad for her but did not need to know in such detail and i am not her therapist). she told me all these things way too early on too. In fact, she told me many of these things right off the bat. These things made my head spin and when i told her i dont want to hear them, she seemed to do it more to purposefully get a rise out me. It has hurt me to my core. She would do things like slap my ass in public and then purposefully stare at a guy directly after. She would speak too loudly about sex ideas in the back of an uber which she totally acted like was an accident by apologizing incessantly. After awhile you start to notice that these things aren't accidents and that your partner does not give a crap. It has hurt me deeply and this was the final straw was her talking about meth use yesterday when ive told her i dont want to hear about these types of things. She claimed that it slipped out of her mouth and was an accident. TOTAL BS. She has done this many times where she starts to say something about it and then says oh nevermind as if she caught herself midsentence not to say a thing. She already told enough of the story by that point to put the pieces together though. The thing she said yesterday let me know enough that she used meth and i found out shortly after i was right in my assumption. She is the queen of TMI and the thing that hurts the most is the fact the she would purposefully tell me things to get a rise out of me. I really learned that when she is mr. hyde and not dr. jekyll, she has no empathy for me. She is only focused on herself

[Cat Familiar]

What is your relationship status? Are you living together? Do you want to break up with her or try and repair the relationship?

[sebian77]

Not living with her. At this point I don’t think I’m looking to repair it either. I think I’m done

[Cat Familiar]

So what is the next step you’d like to take

[sebian77]

my next step would be to get over her and to make sense of the calamity that happened between us

[Cat Familiar]

What do you think it would take to “get over her” and make sense of how the relationship devolved?