Getting things off my chest

[ahe]

My girlfriend has borderline personality disorder. And lately we've been arguing a lot. And I first want to take responsibility because sometimes I react emotionally and cry (or sob as she says) or I get angry and storm off. She calls me names and puts me down when she's upset. She's said some really terrible things to me.

I feel like such a mess. Sometimes I have to go to my car to take a nap and she thinks I'm running away but I just really need to collect myself. I read that in an article and I've been researching bpd.

I'm having a hard time not taking things personally but at the same time I do see that she's in so much pain. It breaks my heart to see her suffering but I always seem to make it worse.

I listen and try to be objective and that's getting a little easier. I also try to not blame or argue. When I try to take responsibility for my actions she doesnt like that and when I dont take responsibility she doesnt like that (for obvious reasons). Sometimes I feel like anything I do is wrong.

She says I'm oblivious and lack empathy but doesnt seem to look past that to see why I might be oblivious and that I do have empathy and care. I'm just so overwhelmed and depressed with what I have going on as well. We both see counselors and mine is helping me a ton so I'm really appreciative of that. I dont really have a lot of people to talk to, I have one friend and my family but I dont feel comfortable talking to them.

She wanted to be in an open relationship a year or so ago and, because I'm very passive I let her (it hurt me so much, I spent a lot of nights in tears from it). I didnt partake in the open relationship because it made me uncomfortable but i thought if it made her happy and she was safe I guess I could see it. She said it was my fault for her wanting to be in the open relationship and she was on xanax and drinking alcohol at the time so I think that may have caused the behavior (she's since stopped and been sober for a year plus, I'm really proud of her).

I just want to hug her. But when I try she rejects me. I'm trying so hard to do everything I can but I just feel so discouraged. I love her and I dont want her to push me away.

I think she's an amazing woman and like I said I just want to hug her. I want to see her strive, she's doing a lot of work with her counselor as well. I tell her that I'm proud of her and love her even if she doesnt believe me always.

I hate arguing and fighting.

I just needed to get that off of my chest. Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ahe]

The weekends are terrible because that's when we fight the most. I feel sick from it, I have to learn something else, some other way of doing this.