i can't breathe cuz of my mom with bpd

[marianyoon]

hello i am so glad i am at   this  website  and get  to  know you guys.

i am a daughter with a mom with bpd.

currently i am at a  cafe  cuz i can't go home where my mom is at.

whenever i think of going home, i can't breathe and feel pain in the chest.

she suffocates me with the words she says and things she does.

i need help.

currently i am seeing a counselor and getting professional help from psychiatrist.

i need help from the people  with the similar situation.

i am suffering from chronic depression, low  self esteem, and constant  desire  /  urge to suicide.

please help me to   lead my way.

and i hope the best for you guys too. thank you.

[Kwamina]

Hi marianyoon

Welcome to our online community. It is clear that the situation with your mother is taking its toll on you. You were at a café when making this post. How are things now?

You feel like you're being suffocated because of the way your mother treats you. I am very sorry the situation is making you feel this way. Could you tell us  bit more about your mother's behavior? What kind of things does she say and do?

Since her behavior is affecting you so, I'm glad you are getting professional help in the form of a counselor and psychiatrist. How long have you been getting this help? It is very tough to be dealing with thoughts of suicide. Are they also specifically treating you for your suicidal ideation?

Take care and hope to read more from you later

The Board Parrot

[Josie2020]

I am so sorry this is happening, I promise you are not alone. I suffered with suicidal thoughts, alcohol abuse disorder and debilitating anxiety and depression because of my mom. "Smothered" is such an accurate term for a BPD mom. Thankfully, I started therapy a couple of years ago and I have been sober for about six months, I even quit smoking. I've learned a bit about how to manage my anxious and depressive thoughts and have become validated by my therapists. Unfortunately what you feel is pretty normal, and it is your mom who was the abnormal one. I spent a lot of time hating myself, feeling so alone, and so ASHAMED that I let myself be controlled by my own mom. I felt so weak, child-like, wimpy and worthless. I felt so scared. Lately I have utilized resources such as books "surviving a borderline parent, toxic parents, eggshells" and this online community. I've learned that its my mom who made me like this and that im not weak, I am just trying to protect myself from abuse in the only way I know how. I work every single day at learning how to better manage my own reactions to my mom's disorder and how to cope with my anxiety and self-esteem. I am getting better but it is taking a lot of work. You can too. You have been put in a bad situation because of your mom, so that means you are vulnerable to low self esteem and anxiety, but knowing that, you still can get through anything. You know your obstacles, but there are ways that you can get better with therapy and confiding in this community, and reading books and research on this. Things will get better, I promise. its easier said than done but hang in there!