Hi Techgirl:I'm sorry about the difficulty with your son.
He went off his medication when he got involved in a serious relationship with a girl who also has issues. . . This latest triad was bought on by his psychiatrist pulling him off his anti anxiety medication. . .
There is no magic pill for BPD. Many people have a few BPD traits, but it's when they exhibit enough of the individual traits, that a BPD diagnosis applies. BPD doesn't stand alone & it is common for someone with an eventual BPD diagnosis to have issues with anxiety, depression and/or many other mental health issues.
Unfortunately, many meds have sexual side effects. It's possible that that could be behind his reasoning to get off whatever meds he was taking, when he got into a relationship.
What type of anti-anxiety med. did the doctor take away, after discovering alcohol abuse? I'm suspecting Benzos.(i.e. xanax, valium or something similar).
Sounds like he is self-medicating with alcohol, now that he stopped using the med that had him stabilized. There could be some similar drug to try, that has less side effects. There is a test that his doctor can administer, to see what classification of mental health drugs are apt to work better for him.
he got involved in a serious relationship with a girl who also has issues. She is bipolar. She ended the relationship when he took a job and bought a house that was not in an area near her. He works for a university as he has a PhD in chemistry and was offered his dream job there. It is not just that they broke up, but that she keeps throwing him a bone and he is so blindly in love with her he can’t see the mental abuse.
It can be tough, when one person in a relationship has mental health issues. When both have issues, it's a lot more challenging.
He does have a counselor he likes but only talks to her once a week. He feels he has BPD and so do I after reading about it.
Has he ever tried DBT therapy?
The gold standard for treating BPD is DBT therapy. You son sounds bright. Although it would be best to have a therapist that is trained in DBT therapy, he could still get value from getting a workbook, do some of the exercises & discussing them in therapy sessions.
He can buy a DBT workbook by Marsha Lineham, from Amazon.
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=dbt+workbook+for+adults&crid=1W6N9GWUGS2ZI&sprefix=dbt+work%2Caps%2C267&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_3_8One DBT exercise is to find ways to "Improve The Moment" & use them. So, take 3 basic emotions: sad, mad, fear/anxiety. Sounds like "mad" is a common emotion for your son. The suggestion of going out for a run, could be a good one for someone, but perhaps not your son.
He need to come up with his personal list. Here are some things that people might use: hit a punching bag, make a special playlist of music that's for "anger", do some form of exercise. If running isn't his thing, maybe he hits a tennis ball against a wall, gets an old piece of wood & hammers nails into it. etc.
I feel the mental health professionals have failed him. They are all about helping him and then 3 weeks later they pull him off his medication and the last doctor told him to run a mile everyday instead.
Exercise can help to improve the moment & is a natural way to get your body to release it's own chemicals to improve a mood.
Your son choose to abuse alcohol. He lost his one prescription because of that. He choose to go off the med that was working. Sounds like he participated in getting to his current situation.
It's good that he is still going to therapy once a week. Perhaps his therapist can help coach him in putting together a plan & executing it:
Get off alcohol
Develop coping skills that work for him
Discuss the reason he stopped taking the med that was working & find an alternate med.
