Newby: it is 7 months later and she is still at our house.

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi Everyone. Glad to be part of this group.
I am a 55 year old female, happily married for 15 years now. No kids.

My husband and I “offered” to let my older BPD sister ( she is 62) come stay with us back in October for an agreed 2 months while she “ figured things out”,   after an 8 year live in relationship ended. Her boyfriend told me that he had told her He could not take her anger anymore. Now it is 7 months later and she is still at our house.

My relationship with my older sister has pretty much always been estranged...

She had her first of 2 needed hip replacements done  in February ( she put this off for 3 years). She will be having her second one done hopefully in July.

After the first week of her being here, resentment set in. Soon afterwards, she got in a car accident and totaled her car. Now I know she had the money to replace the car, ( she admitted to me when she moved in that she had about 25,000) but in my co-dependent state, I jumped in and offered her my car after 2 weeks- ( it was only worth $2500- but was a very reliable car) I did this because I was worried she would dilly dally on getting a car, ( I was letting her drive mine and I was driving my husbands. ( he has a work van) And then potentially her stopping going to her DBT therapy and group meetings.

I ended up buying myself a newer car ( dipping into my savings stash by $10,000)

That just caused more resentment after the fact- but I do think I learned from the experience.

Things have been “ok” over the last few months- I think the fact that Spring is here is helping my mood

BUT, the whole cycle of emotions - pity, anger, resentment, guilt, depression-  is a daily struggle.
However, at the end of the day I try and remain hopeful that everything is going to be ok, and as my therapist reminds me,
This is all part of the book I am going to write; that I am being of service right now, and that it’s not gonna be like this forever.
Thank you for reading this

[Dee_Hope]

Hi Everyone. Glad to be part of this group.
I am a 55 year old female, happily married for 15 years now. No kids.

My husband and I “offered” to let my older BPD sister ( she is 62) come stay with us back in October for an agreed 2 months while she “ figured things out”,   after an 8 year live in relationship ended. Her boyfriend told me that he had told her He could not take her anger anymore. Now it is 7 months later and she is still at our house.

My relationship with my older sister has pretty much always been estranged...

She had her first of 2 needed hip replacements done  in February ( she put this off for 3 years). She will be having her second one done hopefully in July.

After the first week of her being here, resentment set in. Soon afterwards, she got in a car accident and totaled her car. Now I know she had the money to replace the car, ( she admitted to me when she moved in that she had about 25,000) but in my co-dependent state, I jumped in and offered her my car after 2 weeks- ( it was only worth $2500- but was a very reliable car) I did this because I was worried she would dilly dally on getting a car, ( I was letting her drive mine and I was driving my husbands. ( he has a work van) And then potentially her stopping going to her DBT therapy and group meetings.

I ended up buying myself a newer car ( dipping into my savings stash by $10,000)

That just caused more resentment after the fact- but I do think I learned from the experience.

Things have been “ok” over the last few months- I think the fact that Spring is here is helping my mood

BUT, the whole cycle of emotions - pity, anger, resentment, guilt, depression-  is a daily struggle.
However, at the end of the day I try and remain hopeful that everything is going to be ok, and as my therapist reminds me,
This is all part of the book I am going to write; that I am being of service right now, and that it’s not gonna be like this forever.
Thank you for reading this

[Harri]

Hi Dee_Hope and welcome

Isn't it amazing how 2 months can turn into so many more just like that?  Ugh. 

BUT, the whole cycle of emotions - pity, anger, resentment, guilt, depression-  is a daily struggle.
However, at the end of the day I try and remain hopeful that everything is going to be ok, and as my therapist reminds me,
This is all part of the book I am going to write; that I am being of service right now, and that it’s not gonna be like this forever.
Thank you for reading this

The emotions you list, pity, anger, resentment, guilt and depression, are those yours towards your sister? 

Are you really hoping to write a book (!) or is it more of a hypothetical thing?

What is your plan regarding talking to your sister about moving out?  Will you wait until after her surgery?

I am glad you found us and hope you settle in and read and get comfortable here.  We all support each other and learn together, so grab a chair!