Blind Sided

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi,

I guess I should start by telling you abit about myself, Its a long story so
I'll try my best to keep it short. My names Sam, I'm originally from the UK. I
met a girl online back in 2005 from Australia. She had recently separated from
her husband and I decided to give up everything to marry her & take on the
responsibility of being a father to her three year old boy.

Seven years later and one child more to add to the family I found out my wife
had a brief affair. Devastated I stayed with her and worked things out between
us, or so I thought. Some years later I had a incident at work which caused me
to fall into a deep depression. Because the incident was not my fault I sued the
company and won the case however I was left unable to work.

Roughly five years on from this incident my wife made the decision she wanted
me to leave saying she couldn't deal with my depression any longer. I was
broken-hearted I tried to do everything I could to reconcile the marriage but
she was determined that I leave, which I did.

When I moved out my wife for one reason or another decided to see a psychologist
who told her she has "traits" of Boarderline Personality Disorder. She told me
this some months after I had left. Obviously I was upset for her and because she
confided in me I thought this was a positive thing. She was now contacting me
daily, driving to my place almost every day telling me shes missing me, that she
loves me and wanted to work things out. She even went as far as to buy me a book
called "Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder".

Things came to a halt one day when I questioned where all this was going, I
needed to know for my own sanity. She couldn't give me an answer so I decided I
needed some time to collect my thoughts. When I eventually contacted her again
she was uncommunicative and cold, a trait which I had gotten used to all
these years when shes was displeased with something or someone.

Now the only time she contacts me is when there has been a problem, and I have
to tell you there has been a lot, from my step son cutting his arms, my daughter
breaking her arm, dog dying, cat almost dying to her having a car accident all
within twelve months. All these events I was there to offer moral & emotional
support when she needed it.

I have been living on my own now for the past year in a state of limbo, in a
country that is still foreign to me in many ways. I have no family over here
and all friends I had I severed contact with because my wife never liked to
socialise with them and any mutual friends we have/had have only one side of the
story which would have been my wife's. And I can almost guarantee the facts &
details would have been distorted.

If all this wasn't a kick in the teeth enough, the one thing that has broken my
heart more than anything else is the lack of contact from my daughter. I have
had to initiate contact with her every time. It seems shes happier to be with
her mother rather than me. Nothing but unconditional love has been shown to both
children and even though shes not a very affectionate child I have always told
her how much I love her every day. Now I'm lucky to get a text message let alone
a phone call or visit. All this would make sense to me if I had been a sh*t
father but I haven't.

Anyway, sorry if this has been a long post, it is as watered down as I could
make it. Im hoping at some point in time my daughter will find it come to
understand the truth. I just want to add that there was never any physical
violence or abuse in the marriage, just mental.

[Sad-Sam2211]

Hi,

I guess I should start by telling you abit about myself, Its a long story so
I'll try my best to keep it short. My names Sam, I'm originally from the UK. I
met a girl online back in 2005 from Australia. She had recently separated from
her husband and I decided to give up everything to marry her & take on the
responsibility of being a father to her three year old boy.

Seven years later and one child more to add to the family I found out my wife
had a brief affair. Devastated I stayed with her and worked things out between
us, or so I thought. Some years later I had a incident at work which caused me
to fall into a deep depression. Because the incident was not my fault I sued the
company and won the case however I was left unable to work.

Roughly five years on from this incident my wife made the decision she wanted
me to leave saying she couldn't deal with my depression any longer. I was
broken-hearted I tried to do everything I could to reconcile the marriage but
she was determined that I leave, which I did.

When I moved out my wife for one reason or another decided to see a psychologist
who told her she has "traits" of Boarderline Personality Disorder. She told me
this some months after I had left. Obviously I was upset for her and because she
confided in me I thought this was a positive thing. She was now contacting me
daily, driving to my place almost every day telling me shes missing me, that she
loves me and wanted to work things out. She even went as far as to buy me a book
called "Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder".

Things came to a halt one day when I questioned where all this was going, I
needed to know for my own sanity. She couldn't give me an answer so I decided I
needed some time to collect my thoughts. When I eventually contacted her again
she was uncommunicative and cold, a trait which I had gotten used to all
these years when shes was displeased with something or someone.

Now the only time she contacts me is when there has been a problem, and I have
to tell you there has been a lot, from my step son cutting his arms, my daughter
breaking her arm, dog dying, cat almost dying to her having a car accident all
within twelve months. All these events I was there to offer moral & emotional
support when she needed it.

I have been living on my own now for the past year in a state of limbo, in a
country that is still foreign to me in many ways. I have no family over here
and all friends I had I severed contact with because my wife never liked to
socialise with them and any mutual friends we have/had have only one side of the
story which would have been my wife's. And I can almost guarantee the facts &
details would have been distorted.

If all this wasn't a kick in the teeth enough, the one thing that has broken my
heart more than anything else is the lack of contact from my daughter. I have
had to initiate contact with her every time. It seems shes happier to be with
her mother rather than me. Nothing but unconditional love has been shown to both
children and even though shes not a very affectionate child I have always told
her how much I love her every day. Now I'm lucky to get a text message let alone
a phone call or visit. All this would make sense to me if I had been a sh*t
father but I haven't.

Anyway, sorry if this has been a long post, it is as watered down as I could
make it. Im hoping at some point in time my daughter will find it come to
understand the truth. I just want to add that there was never any physical
violence or abuse in the marriage, just mental.