How to reconcile "protective dishonesty" part 6

Who'se job is it to manage his stress? ( *hint- it's not yours)

Sex is a form of connection. It's interesting because for me, I need the emotional connection first, but for some, the sex comes first- then the connection. I am not an expert on this, but if someone can't connect well emotionally, sex might be the closest thing to that for them. It can lead to issues if you feel you are basically a sex provider, but if sex is taken out of the relationship altogether, I think that also leads to issues. It's pretty much an expression of the core issue- communication and intimacy. Sex may be the best he can do.

When your H body shames you, it's more about him. My BPD mother started to tell me I was getting fat at puberty- the time a young girl naturally starts to fill out. She has her own issues with body image. It was complete projection. I look back at pictures of myself and I was not ever fat. Likely what your H is doing is projecting his own poor self image onto you. You don't have to buy into it no matter what size you are or what you are wearing.

I have friends who don't have perfect bodies, but they are confident and look lovely. I think confidence and self acceptance is a part of being attractive no matter what size someone is.

I think you have every right to not be criticized for how you look- not by him, not by anyone. There's no positive function of this. It's mean, it's destructive. Also during this pandemic, a lot of people are getting out of shape, wearing sweat pants at home. This isn't a good thing but less activity, no access to working out. We need to not let this get out of hand, but also, this is a time to be kind to ourselves and to each other. Everyone's hair has grown out, we have roots showing if we color ours. Hardly any one is looking their best right now.

Try to eat healthy, get outside while you can, or learn a home work out, but this is your choice. It's hard to resist telling him to just shut up, but I'd say nothing to him when he starts. Your part is to believe you don't deserve this.



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