Getting over my Ex girlfriend who had BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Dear members,

I'm in a very bad place right now. I feel really depressed. My ex girlfriend exhibited BPD characteristics. I was with her since June 2019. We did have a great time in the start. However, within a few months her behaviour started worsening. I tolerated her behavior alot even her violent outbursts over nothing at all. then on valentines day 2020, out of the blue she initially broke up with me saying that I did not inspire her any more. I was shocked and couldn't accept it. She explained that she will be back but she needs a break from me and wants to reconnect with herself. Then for a month she was gone. I kept on calling her and trying to meet her until finally in the first week of march, she blocked me from all social media. Then i fell into depression and started seeing a psychologist.

 I was finally moving on when she came back to me apologising for her behaviour a couple of weeks later. We got back in April and then followed a breakup/patch up cycle. she would break up with me every week and then patch up. I tolerated this and despite wanting to leave, i couldnt gather the courage to do it. Yesterday when she again started shouting at me again for no reason at all, I finally left her. To my surprise, she didnt feel any remorse or guilt over her outburst. she just blocked me again. I miss her alot and regret leaving her now. But then the relationship is also very toxic. I dont know what to do.

[james clemens]

Dear members,

I'm in a very bad place right now. I feel really depressed. My ex girlfriend exhibited BPD characteristics. I was with her since June 2019. We did have a great time in the start. However, within a few months her behaviour started worsening. I tolerated her behavior alot even her violent outbursts over nothing at all. then on valentines day 2020, out of the blue she initially broke up with me saying that I did not inspire her any more. I was shocked and couldn't accept it. She explained that she will be back but she needs a break from me and wants to reconnect with herself. Then for a month she was gone. I kept on calling her and trying to meet her until finally in the first week of march, she blocked me from all social media. Then i fell into depression and started seeing a psychologist.

 I was finally moving on when she came back to me apologising for her behaviour a couple of weeks later. We got back in April and then followed a breakup/patch up cycle. she would break up with me every week and then patch up. I tolerated this and despite wanting to leave, i couldnt gather the courage to do it. Yesterday when she again started shouting at me again for no reason at all, I finally left her. To my surprise, she didnt feel any remorse or guilt over her outburst. she just blocked me again. I miss her alot and regret leaving her now. But then the relationship is also very toxic. I dont know what to do.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey james, Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed.  Your story is quite familiar and your feelings are normal.  The place to start, I suggest, is by returning the focus to you and your needs.  Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.  A BPD r/s can be extremely confusing and frustrating, due to its cyclic nature.  What would you like to see happen?  Are you hoping for a recycle?  Are you ready to put in the effort to detach?  There's no right or wrong answer.  It's your call, my friend.

LuckyJim