Why won't he leave?

[Feelfreeonme]

I am attempting to leave my husband of 2 years because he is at the discard stage and he will not get help.
I am seasoned to his behaviors due to having a past relationship with someone else who appears to also have borderline personality disorder.
I am so sad but not completely wounded. I'm just curious why won't he leave our home if he is so unhappy. I don't argue and I actually admit to my wrong doings. Why stay? I am self aware, love him dearly, understand why I was drawn to him in the first place and I know I will miss him.. however, I also know it is over..but why won't he leave?..is this punishment or what?

[daze507]

It's hard to tell but as you may already know, pwBPD hate being alone. He may simply not have anyone else, yet.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Feelfree, Welcome!  As daze suggests, it's difficult to say.  I concur that fear of abandonment is often at the heart of most BPD behavior.  Those w/BPD make all kinds of threats, yet rarely follow through on them.

At the risk of sounding critical, and I don't mean it that way, I would suggest that it's not up to him to leave; rather, it's up to you to end things.  In other words, you are not a victim of his decisions.  It's your call.  Waiting for a pwBPD to change or leave can be a thankless vigil.  What would you like to see happen?  Do what you have to do to carry it out.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: leaving a pwBPD is challenging on many levels, yet I'm here to confirm that it can be done.

LJ