Separation

[Mya]

Hello, I am new to this site. I am in a married relationship with someone who has BPD. We have been married for several years and have a child together however I feel it's no longer healthy to stay in this relationship. Can anyone provide advice on steps you've taken to leave a relationship with someone with BPD in a loving and safe way?

[Rev]

Good morning, 

And welcome to a really great place. I am sorry that you are here but happy that you found us - if that makes sense?

You will find great support here.  Lots of resources and things.  I am a six days away from my first year out.  And I can tell you that this site has been invaluable in my recovery. I managed to get out even tho my ex was extremely unstable and abusive.  So it definitely can be done - although we don't have children together, so that is obviously THE major factor to consider.

So... the first thing that I will tell you is: breathe. Sometimes, when we make a decision inside ourselves, it can feel as if it actually happening. And that can cause anxiety which can get in the way of clear minded thinking. At the beginning of all of this, the first therapist I spoke with told me to stay in my rational brain as much as possible. So - breathe as much an as often as necessary.

Next thing - get yourself a therapist - social worker - pastor - whatever you need to help formulate a plan that keeps things in order and makes sure that you and your child are safe - emotionally and physically.  Understand that it will be exceedingly difficult to protect his feelings if he in fact has BPD.  So include time for your own healing in that plan.

In the meantime, again, welcome. Reach out as much as you need. Check out the the resources.  If you have reached out here, you have gotten in touch with something inside yourself that is solid.  And that's a good thing ---- no matter what happens.

Rev