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Author Topic: Can't get aroused post break up  (Read 361 times)
grumpydonut
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
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« on: July 02, 2020, 06:30:03 AM »

Did anyone else experienced this? It's like continual flat feeling, and nothing can aroused me sexually anymore. I feel like I've become asexual. Or that I need the drama and closeness of love in order to get turned on?
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« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2020, 02:27:06 AM »

its hard to say, gd.

it could be as simple as being depressed. depression can contribute to low libido...more than youd think.

it could be that you are sexually focused on your ex. it happens. i was, even several years after the fact. no shame in that, frankly!

it could be that your sexual relationship with your ex said an unrealistically high bar. men that struggle with pornography and then try to quit report similar.

Excerpt
Or that I need the drama and closeness of love in order to get turned on?

it could be that you require a level of closeness and safety...not a bad thing.

its hard to say. can you tell us more about whats going on?
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« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2020, 12:21:31 PM »

lack of arousal and loss of interest in sex can also be linked to depression.
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grumpydonut
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« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2020, 06:29:14 AM »

Excerpt
Can you tell us more about whats going on

I have been going on dates - likely too soon - and I feel nothing for anybody. I took a girl home, and I couldn't get aroused. I wanted to have sex, I just couldn't. And it seems the only time I can get aroused now is when I think about sex with my ex. Even then it's 50/50.

Excerpt
lack of arousal and loss of interest in sex can also be linked to depression.

It could be this, also. I want to feel that closeness and intimacy and amazing sexual attraction for someone again. It's just not happening. I feel like I'm broken.
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« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2020, 02:37:31 AM »

theres a saying:

"the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else"

Excerpt
I want to feel that closeness and intimacy and amazing sexual attraction for someone again. It's just not happening. I feel like I'm broken.

i have always found that the best way to get over someone is to fully grieve them...to acknowledge the loss, to process the loss, to learn to live with the loss.

otherwise, you just carry it on, as baggage, into the next relationship, and the next.

its not the most fun, emotionally easy, or quickest way. but it works.

i can understand why you would feel broken. youre trying to nurse your broken heart by avoiding your grief, and desperately trying to feel something else, when your heart longs for the one that hurt you.

this just reinforces bad feelings about yourself.

Excerpt
I have been going on dates - likely too soon - and I feel nothing for anybody. I took a girl home, and I couldn't get aroused. I wanted to have sex, I just couldn't.

there isnt a proven timeline for when its a good idea to date again. it may be too soon for you, or you may want to rethink your approach. looking for closeness, intimacy, sex, on a first date, is going from 0-100.



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