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Author Topic: He tossed out insults at the slightest pushback Part 4  (Read 926 times)
stolencrumbs
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 504


« Reply #30 on: July 06, 2020, 09:40:52 PM »

I believe it’s too little, too late. The part that feels a little off is that I’ve been the one predominantly fighting for “us”...until now. For years I tried to fix. Now, recognizing it will never truly change and knowing it’s not how I want to live, is how I feel. 

I’m still scared. What if I lose my job? How does covid impact his support requirements? Will I be able to make my kids okay? How do I buy a house with a new job?  Where do I get support?  How do I protect my kids? Myself? And many more.

I hear you on this. That’s how I feel...

What keeps you from moving ahead with divorce stolencrumbs?

The suicide threats and attempts. I'm not so good at handling those.

I also was the one trying to fix things for years. I don't know if this will happen with your H, but when I stopped trying to fix things, my wife started trying to "fix" things. It definitely made it harder to stick with what I felt was best for me. It made it harder to maintain boundaries. And it definitely made me feel like the jerk. And that's one of the reasons I emphasized thinking through what you want if that happens. It may be a tactic. It may be genuine. I don't really know. What I can know is what I want to do.
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You can fight it both arms swinging, or try to wash it away, or pay up to echoes of "okay."
formflier
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« Reply #31 on: July 06, 2020, 09:57:49 PM »

I don't know if this will happen with your H, but when I stopped trying to fix things, my wife started trying to "fix" things. 

I have seen a lot of this in my relationship as well. 

There are several ways to describe this.  My current favorite is "when I stopped overfunctioning that created space for my wife to function"

My understanding is there are several actions/things that UBPDHelps hubby is doing/asking for/saying that can be perceived as "repair attempts".

Best,

FF
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #32 on: July 10, 2020, 12:08:51 PM »

Staff only This thread has reached its maximum length and is now locked. The conversation continues here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=345413.0
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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