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[Betty73]

Hi. First time on here. My husband has BPD. I'm looking forward to learning more about it and how to help myself. It's been really hard to say the least.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi Betty and welcome!

Can you tell us more about your life with your husband?  What would you say your biggest struggle is?  We can support you as you learn more about the disorder and work on skills that can help you cope better too.  As you said, having a loved one with BPD is very difficult.  The good news is that things can get better.

I hope you share more with us.

[Betty73]

Hello. It's like the book title, "Walking on Eggshells". He gets angry and blames me for things. He's been verbally and psychologically abusive. He constantly goes after me first because he thinks I'm going to go after him if we're having a discussion. I feel sick to my stomach every day. We go to marriage counseling and he's starting to learn Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. He's on some mood stabilizers, but I don't notice a difference. He had 6 weeks of magnetic therapy and is now getting Ketamine therapy, both are mainly for depression. Things are very hard. Emotionally, mentally, and physically, I feel like I'm going downhill. It's hard to keep helping the person who is hurting you.

Hi. First time on here. My husband has BPD. I'm looking forward to learning more about it and how to help myself. It's been really hard to say the least.

[Velasquez]

Hi Betty. I can hear the exhaustion in your post. I don't have advice but can certainly relate to your situation. I hope that you're making time and space to care for yourself, and that you're safe.

[Football2000]

The good new is he's trying DBT. That's been shown effective in many cases. I've also read that mood stabilizers and antidepressants don't work very well for a lot of BPD cases, partly because the intense affect from BPD is mediated not by random moods but more by highly specific stressors that trigger trauma in the BPD person.

But I hear you. After a year into the constant rage sessions with my partner, I started feeling this horrible feeling in my stomach every day. Now, I still have trouble eating and sleeping. I know it's very hard to keep trying to help a person like your husband. I think the worst thing is understanding the downward spiral in yourself, understanding what your partner is going through in terms of their BPD, and not being able to do anything about it most of the time. It is understandable on a rational level, but completely heart-twisting and nonsensical on an emotional level.

[Velasquez]

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. I've gone through long periods when I feel like I can't swallow properly. I am always waiting for him to explode.  He's in therapy, but not DBT so it's not doing much good, though I have at least opened a line of communication with his therapist so she's cognizant of the rages, the splitting, the impulsive behavior and the self-harm. 

I hope things get better you with your loved one. I have read such good things about DBT, and I have read and re-read Loving Someone with BPD, which tailors DBT techniques so that non-therapist family members can use them, and that has been helpful. 

[Betty73]

Thank you, Velazquez and Football2000. Your messages made me feel better. I haven't been on here since I posted in July. I don't know if I'm replying correctly to you both. I hope you are all well.  I hope you both see this. 

[once removed]

how have things been going since july?

[Betty73]

It's been like a rollercoaster. Really good, really bad,up and down. I'm looking forward to it being stable; just an even keel. My husband is supposed to call someone new to teach him D.B.T.  Our marriage counselor was trying to teach it to him, but I don't think she's equipped to handle it.(She is great at being our counselor though). He found someone who is trained in D.B.T.  With all the therapy my husband has gotten, he hasn't gotten much in the way of learning new ways to deal with his borderline. I tell him (and myself) not to give up. That D.B.T. holds alot of promise and many people have had great success with it. Thank you for your concern. Keep your fingers crossed for us.