She has removed all our photos from her facebook...

[RichardLover55]

After a month and a half today she deleted our photos from her social media, I after she left me I never looked for her again. Maybe she's angry about this? Why did he want me to look for her? She left me saying I don't feel anything for you anymore, I'm the problem not you etc. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Flightfar]

I know you feel bad. Try not to take it personally. It's certainly just tactics from her. That's what they do.

I know it feels like you never existed to her, like she just wants to cut you off completely from her life. I also felt bad when my ex blocked me everywhere. It still feels like I was never important to him.

I also felt really bad today, I look forward my ex contacting me, and get depressed when I don't hear anything from him. I cry so much, my heart has never hurted this much. Can someone make it stop.

Try to survive from this. You are strong.

[RichardLover55]

I know you feel bad. Try not to take it personally. It's certainly just tactics from her. That's what they do.

I know it feels like you never existed to her, like she just wants to cut you off completely from her life. I also felt bad when my ex blocked me everywhere. It still feels like I was never important to him.

I also felt really bad today, I look forward my ex contacting me, and get depressed when I don't hear anything from him. I cry so much, my heart has never hurted this much. Can someone make it stop.

Try to survive from this. You are strong.

Ah it's a common thing they do ? I wonder how she's going to behave at school with me, at this point i doubt that she will come back to me.

[Flightfar]

At least I think so. They do whatever they do when they have splitted you black. I think this month will be difficult for you too, waiting for her to contact you :/ I know what it's like. This uncertainty and waiting is so torturous!

[RichardLover55]

At least I think so. They do whatever they do when they have splitted you black. I think this month will be difficult for you too, waiting for her to contact you :/ I know what it's like. This uncertainty and waiting is so torturous!

I hope for a contact but i don't think that she will text me again, now i think that she's really gone. I feel really bad, I'm afraid it's the end, If I looked for her, I'd do worse, I guess.

[Flightfar]

She could come in contact even when the schools have started.

My boyfriend has come back in a couple of days before (he has left me twice before this), but now it’s been over 2 months. But I know he also has depression and other problems right now.

[Flightfar]

The last time I saw my boyfriend, he was so in love and said that he has the best girlfriend ever and said he did not want to lose me. A week later, however, he left me... And said he didn't love me anymore, even though the night before he said he loved me...

[RichardLover55]

She could come in contact even when the schools have started.

My boyfriend has come back in a couple of days before (he has left me twice before this), but now it’s been over 2 months. But I know he also has depression and other problems right now.

But is it "normal" that she deleted all our photos from his social media? I'm afraid he's got another man.

[RichardLover55]

The last time I saw my boyfriend, he was so in love and said that he has the best girlfriend ever and said he did not want to lose me. A week later, however, he left me... And said he didn't love me anymore, even though the night before he said he loved me...

Just like my ex ! She broke my heart, I didn't expect her to leave me out of nowhere, after 8 months of love.

[Mutt]

I’ve said this before I think that it’s a good sign. If she had no feelings for you she’s would leave the pictures up because it wouldn’t bother her. This telegraphs that she’s has feelings for you - you’re in good shape.

She could be angry at you by taking the pictures down or it could mean that it’s hard for her to look at pictures of you because it’s a constant reminder of the r/s that you had.

[RichardLover55]

I’ve said this before I think that it’s a good sign. If she had no feelings for you she’s would leave the pictures up because it wouldn’t bother her. This telegraphs that she’s has feelings for you - you’re in good shape.

She could be angry at you by taking the pictures down or it could mean that it’s hard for her to look at pictures of you because it’s a constant reminder of the r/s that you had.

I'm afraid she has another boyfriend, there are no signs of this though. Do I do well to wait for you to contact me ? Am I doing well ?

[Mutt]

She could have someone else but don’t think the worst case scenario.

What is your goal with NC ( no contact )

Why are you doing it?

[RichardLover55]

She could have someone else but don’t think the worst case scenario.

What is your goal with NC ( no contact )

Why are you doing it?

I wish she was the one looking for me, because she left me. I never left her. And I'm afraid to do worse, i had written to her a few days after the breakup, but she said again that she no longer felt the love of before, the usual excuse. And she was cold with me, maybe she did it on purpose, but I got discouraged at that point. Then she insulted me because of my father's insults to her after the break up, I apologized to her. I didn't know about it.

[Mutt]

Breaking up is really hard and it’s more so when you’re not sure why you broke up. I’ll give you an an example sometimes your SO will blame you or look for reasons to break up and they blame you but they don’t tell you the underlining issues in the r/s. It’s hard to face someone else head on with issues that they have about the r/s and you.

Think of it this way I’m not saying that you’re needy I’m using this as an example to prove a point but can you imagine your ex coming up to you and saying that she thinks that you’re too needy ( just an example ) and you say what do you mean I’m needy? Can you imagine how hard that that would that would be to deal with?

This time out is a good time to reflect and do the self work. Can you think of a reason why she broke up with you?

From your sharing here about your dad and I’m just using what you have shared here and in it’s context, maybe she felt like you didn’t defend her? What are some things that you thing that could be reasons why she left?

[Carguy]

Hey Richard!

I can relate to having them act cold towards you and stone walling. It is hard for sure!

Mine on the other hand is very cold, ignores me if she sees me, gets angry if I reach out, but still has older pictures and her and I, my son and I, and just me in her Facebook albums.

Last February she unblocked me on her Facebook after having me blocked for a year and a half. That was after I told her I was going no contact. She did a 180 and apologized and I found out she had unblocked. She 180'd back days later but left me unblock. When I changed the status of some of my pictures of her and I to public anticipating her sending me a friend request, a few days later I seen she had either added or changed the viewing status of some more pictures. A couple of her and her kids and a couple of me and my son at our faith's new Temple on a trip we took to see it. All those pictures are still on there and I'm still unblocked.

Last weekend after 2 months of staying away from her and not seeing her at all I ran into her at a car show and she made it a point to walk past me a few times flaunting the new guy. It's all very confusing!

Like Mutt said though, she likely either deleted them or changed the viewing status on them because she is upset or feels guilty (or both.) She may have done this knowing that you would be looking to 'punish' you in a sense. Things I have read and learned is that they tend to do things like that to punish the other person.

Hang in there! Just keep working on you and your happiness! That's what I've had to do myself. It is hard but treat yourself to things you like and take care of you!

[RichardLover55]

Breaking up is really hard and it’s more so when you’re not sure why you broke up. I’ll give you an an example sometimes your SO will blame you or look for reasons to break up and they blame you but they don’t tell you the underlining issues in the r/s. It’s hard to face someone else head on with issues that they have about the r/s and you.

Think of it this way I’m not saying that you’re needy I’m using this as an example to prove a point but can you imagine your ex coming up to you and saying that she thinks that you’re too needy ( just an example ) and you say what do you mean I’m needy? Can you imagine how hard that that would that would be to deal with?

This time out is a good time to reflect and do the self work. Can you think of a reason why she broke up with you?

From your sharing here about your dad and I’m just using what you have shared here and in it’s context, maybe she felt like you didn’t defend her? What are some things that you thing that could be reasons why she left?

In my opinion the motivations could be different, she told me that if she did not leave me she would definitely do it myself, she was convinced, so afraid of abandonment. Or she felt suffocated by the relationship, I read that it can happen. During the relationship I always "protected" her, she told me that she was the problem and not me, one excuse after another. With my father discussed via whatsapp after he left me, it may be that he does not come back for this reason ? I apologized and told her that if she wanted to, I'd have my father send her an apology, but she said she forgave him and there was no need. I don't know what to do, I'll see her again in September, but I wanted to try a rapprochement first.

[RichardLover55]

Hey Richard!

I can relate to having them act cold towards you and stone walling. It is hard for sure!

Mine on the other hand is very cold, ignores me if she sees me, gets angry if I reach out, but still has older pictures and her and I, my son and I, and just me in her Facebook albums.

Last February she unblocked me on her Facebook after having me blocked for a year and a half. That was after I told her I was going no contact. She did a 180 and apologized and I found out she had unblocked. She 180'd back days later but left me unblock. When I changed the status of some of my pictures of her and I to public anticipating her sending me a friend request, a few days later I seen she had either added or changed the viewing status of some more pictures. A couple of her and her kids and a couple of me and my son at our faith's new Temple on a trip we took to see it. All those pictures are still on there and I'm still unblocked.

Last weekend after 2 months of staying away from her and not seeing her at all I ran into her at a car show and she made it a point to walk past me a few times flaunting the new guy. It's all very confusing!

Like Mutt said though, she likely either deleted them or changed the viewing status on them because she is upset or feels guilty (or both.) She may have done this knowing that you would be looking to 'punish' you in a sense. Things I have read and learned is that they tend to do things like that to punish the other person.

Hang in there! Just keep working on you and your happiness! That's what I've had to do myself. It is hard but treat yourself to things you like and take care of you!

Thank you for the support !

[RichardLover55]

I honestly never understood why she behaved like this, i don't think it was two fights about the school that changed her mind, nothing bad ever happened. I just told her not to skip class.

[RichardLover55]

Breaking up is really hard and it’s more so when you’re not sure why you broke up. I’ll give you an an example sometimes your SO will blame you or look for reasons to break up and they blame you but they don’t tell you the underlining issues in the r/s. It’s hard to face someone else head on with issues that they have about the r/s and you.

Think of it this way I’m not saying that you’re needy I’m using this as an example to prove a point but can you imagine your ex coming up to you and saying that she thinks that you’re too needy ( just an example ) and you say what do you mean I’m needy? Can you imagine how hard that that would that would be to deal with?

This time out is a good time to reflect and do the self work. Can you think of a reason why she broke up with you?

From your sharing here about your dad and I’m just using what you have shared here and in it’s context, maybe she felt like you didn’t defend her? What are some things that you thing that could be reasons why she left?

Do you think I was wrong not to chase her? Maybe he wanted to be run and it was a test, but I'm not sure.

[RichardLover55]

Thinking about it, but more than anything based on what she said, I think she have lost respect for me because she's obsessed and convinced that I was submissive to my father. Which is not true of course, unfortunately I only have a difficult situation at home and my father I have to manage it in a certain way. This could be the possible cause, probably mixed along with all the other things said before, that have added up. She said she respected me, but honestly I think she didn't do it anymore in the last period.

[RichardLover55]

She probably had big, mixed feelings, and she probably still has them, since she's still thinking about me in some way.

[Mutt]

I don’t think you did wrong by not chasing her. If she didn’t give you a reason why and you didn’t see this coming and if you chased her then that tells her that you have a tolerance for being treated this way. This way you’re showing that you’re not putting up with it. If she breaks up with you again then she knows what to expect from you which will make her think carefully about breaking up with you the next time.

Also if per chance that there is someone else and you’re chasing that tells her that you’re interested and available to her while she’s with someone else and if that r/s doesn’t work out or theres conflict that she’s running from then she knows that you’re available. If you want a romantic r/s with her you don’t want that either.

Stay centered which is what you’re doing if you’re not contacting her and her taking down the photos shows that you’re holding you’re end of the deal.

She’s also displaying emotions which is also good.

Take this time to figure out what you need to work on yourself and distract yourself with hobbies, working out, spending time with family and friends and above all take really good care of yourself by getting sleep, eating and exercise.

[RichardLover55]

I don’t think you did wrong by not chasing her. If she didn’t give you a reason why and you didn’t see this coming and if you chased her then that tells her that you have a tolerance for being treated this way. This way you’re showing that you’re not putting up with it. If she breaks up with you again then she knows what to expect from you which will make her think carefully about breaking up with you the next time.

Also if per chance that there is someone else and you’re chasing that tells her that you’re interested and available to her while she’s with someone else and if that r/s doesn’t work out or theres conflict that she’s running from then she knows that you’re available. If you want a romantic r/s with her you don’t want that either.

Stay centered which is what you’re doing if you’re not contacting her and her taking down the photos shows that you’re holding you’re end of the deal.

She’s also displaying emotions which is also good.

Take this time to figure out what you need to work on yourself and distract yourself with hobbies, working out, spending time with family and friends and above all take really good care of yourself by getting sleep, eating and exercise.

I'm trying to do just that : friends, hobbies and distractions. I sleep badly because of thoughts and anxiety in general. So you think she can come back to me in the future ? I see her so far from me. I'm so afraid to see her at school in a month, I don't know whether to ignore her, if she ignores me. I have all these thoughts in my head.. I see so much negativity in this situation, but if you tell me it's good that you show emotions, it makes me heartened.

[Mutt]

Keep talking about your anxiety here. It helps to talk about it. Sadhguru says that you can think of a thousand different things that can go wrong and how many things actually do go wrong in any given thing. Things will go wrong maybe once or twice.

I think that you have a chance that she’ll come back. I believe that and the reason why that I say that is because you’re not giving her a negative impression of you. Think of it this way if she wasn’t happy and was angry with you she’s going to have those negative feelings about you and if you tried to beg she’s only going to recall the current feelings that she has about you. You have to give it to time for those negative feelings to dissipate and you’re helping that happen by given her space and not helping her invoke negative feelings by begging and pleading with her.

She’s going to miss you and the good feelings about you will come back and will replace those negative feelings that she currently has and your chances of getting back to her based on those positive feelings and the time behind both of you will increase.

If you run into her at school there’s nothing wrong with being cordial and nice to her and watch Sadhgurus advice on fear and anxiety.

Troubled by Fear? Just Change Your Channel! - Sadhguru

[RichardLover55]

Keep talking about your anxiety here. It helps to talk about it. Sadhguru says that you can think of a thousand different things that can go wrong and how many things actually do go wrong in any given thing. Things will go wrong maybe once or twice.

I think that you have a chance that she’ll come back. I believe that and the reason why that I say that is because you’re not giving her a negative impression of you. Think of it this way if she wasn’t happy and was angry with you she’s going to have those negative feelings about you and if you tried to beg she’s only going to recall the current feelings that she has about you. You have to give it to time for those negative feelings to dissipate and you’re helping that happen by given her space and not helping her invoke negative feelings by begging and pleading with her.

She’s going to miss you and the good feelings about you will come back and will replace those negative feelings that she currently has and your chances of getting back to her based on those positive feelings and the time behind both of you will increase.

If you run into her at school there’s nothing wrong with being cordial and nice to her and watch Sadhgurus advice on fear and anxiety.

Troubled by Fear? Just Change Your Channel! - Sadhguru

I'm very emotional and that doesn't help me, the anxiety towards her is due to the uncertainty that has arisen. After she left me she changed completely, in fact I no longer recognized her. It will not be easy, who knows if she will try to "punish me" with some provocation. I'm also angry with her on the one hand, this is because she broke my heart and that's why it will hurt me to see her again without being able to clear up with her. At this point I doubt she will try to contact me before seeing me again at school. I really hope she misses me, I don't want to believe she forgot all the good feelings and memories  of our story. I ask you a question, but the reasons with which they break the stories, usually make sense or often are just excuses ? Thanks for the channel, I didn't know it !

[Mutt]

It’s natural to feel angry because you’re hurt. You obviously care a lot about her because you’re here trying to figure out what to do and how to get back etc but it hurts when you’re treated like you were because she didn’t take into account how it would affect you.

There’s a saying hurt people hurt people. It helps to see it from the other persons perspective then you realize that often it’s not about you it’s about a hurt that they experienced in the past that they have not learned to deal with and they subconsciously play it out in the present through you. What happened in the past is not relevant with what you’re experiencing now in the present and some people are not aware of that they have little to no self awareness. I’m not trying to excuse her behavior- it helps to try to understand why someone behaves the way that they do and separate yourself from their emotional baggage. That will help lessen the pain that you’re experiencing when you depersonalize the behaviors - it’s not personal to you.  

I'm very emotional and that doesn't help me, the anxiety towards her is due to the uncertainty that has arisen

I understand. It takes a long time to work towards a goal of feeling more centered when things are turbulent in a r/s.

I’m glad that you like Sadhguru I like him a lot.

[RichardLover55]

It’s natural to feel angry because you’re hurt. You obviously care a lot about her because you’re here trying to figure out what to do and how to get back etc but it hurts when you’re treated like you were because she didn’t take into account how it would affect you.

There’s a saying hurt people hurt people. It helps to see it from the other persons perspective then you realize that often it’s not about you it’s about a hurt that they experienced in the past that they have not learned to deal with and they subconsciously play it out in the present through you. What happened in the past is not relevant with what you’re experiencing now in the present and some people are not aware of that they have little to no self awareness. I’m not trying to excuse her behavior- it helps to try to understand why someone behaves the way that they do and separate yourself from their emotional baggage. That will help lessen the pain that you’re experiencing when you depersonalize the behaviors - it’s not personal to you.  

I understand. It takes a long time to work towards a goal of feeling more centered when things are turbulent in a r/s.

I’m glad that you like Sadhguru I like him a lot.

She told me she always left her exes, and apparently, based on the facts, she never came back. Now I don't know if it's going to be any different with me, because I don't really know how things really went with his exes. She was so attached to me that it seems impossible that she wouldn't look for me... She was very jealous, it makes me so strange that she doesn't want to be a part of my life anymore. Is it possible that she don't miss me? We were in symbiosis practically. Of course, her behaviors are due to her personal experience that led her to have this disorder, slowly I will be able to look at things differently. When I met her, she had photos of her exes on social media, and she took them off after several months of being together. Mine, on the other hand, raised them immediately, this is also a curious thing.

[RichardLover55]

Do you think she realizes that I'm "disappeared" because of her actions, or is she angry because I didn't look for her ? What if she's angry ignoring my right motives ? Do they have a big ego or do they always seek? She seemed very proud as a character.

[Mutt]

She told me she always left her exes, and apparently, based on the facts, she never came back.

If she is a pwBPD she’s going to have low self worth, low self esteem and insecurities. If she admits that exes broke up with her than that would be an admission that she has faults. As you probably already know a pwBPD have binary thinking and project all of their bad feelings and bad parts real or imagined on others.

It’s possible that she has but I wouldn’t take it at face value because there could very be exes that broke up with her and a pwBPD have a fragile ego and mechanisms that protect that ego would alter reality - she’ll think that she broke up with her exes because that would signify that there’s nothing wrong with her in her mind.

[RichardLover55]

If she is a pwBPD she’s going to have low self worth, low self esteem and insecurities. If she admits that exes broke up with her than that would be an admission that she has faults. As you probably already know a pwBPD have binary thinking and project all of their bad feelings and bad parts real or imagined on others.

It’s possible that she has but I wouldn’t take it at face value because there could very be exes that broke up with her and a pwBPD have a fragile ego and mechanisms that protect that ego would alter reality - she’ll think that she broke up with her exes because that would signify that there’s nothing wrong with her in her mind.

You enlightened me with this answer, I had never thought about this eventuality... She keeps looking at my social media, even that maybe is a good sign. In a little over a month it's her birthday, it would be nice if everything worked out between us, but this time I don't want to delude myself. Let's hope it gets closer on its own, my fear is that she completely ignore me in class or insult me, I think she's very angry. Anyway I noticed that she still has photos of her ex, she only deleted those with me !