Why does this hurt so much?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Final discard over a month ago by BPDh. Silent treatment for three or so weeks and then little texts here and there. I started a text tonight to ask for a couple of things he has of mine. Asked him how he was doing and he said "I'm great, how are you?"

And I have been fine for a little bit. Totally felt like I was moving on and letting go. But now I hear he is great. After treating me like garbage, then ignoring me, and he is great. My mind is going nuts with why.

And. Why these feels? Deep sadness. Rejection. Abandonment. Envy.

I'm sure I don't care. I'm sure I'm done. But yet, these feels.

Thanks for listening.

[siobhan823]

Final discard over a month ago by BPDh. Silent treatment for three or so weeks and then little texts here and there. I started a text tonight to ask for a couple of things he has of mine. Asked him how he was doing and he said "I'm great, how are you?"

And I have been fine for a little bit. Totally felt like I was moving on and letting go. But now I hear he is great. After treating me like garbage, then ignoring me, and he is great. My mind is going nuts with why.

And. Why these feels? Deep sadness. Rejection. Abandonment. Envy.

I'm sure I don't care. I'm sure I'm done. But yet, these feels.

Thanks for listening.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey siobhan,

Those w/BPD say a lot of hurtful things that are usually untrue, so I would take what he said with a grain of salt.  After all, he still suffers from BPD; you don't.  I think you are wise to recognize and acknowledge your feelings.  The next step, in my view, is to process them in some way, before letting them go.  How to process?  That's up to you, but you could: discuss with a close friend or family member; write in a journal; schedule an appointment with a T; Spend time in Nature; Practice mindfulness; Get a good workout; Do something artistic or musical; Watch a movie or read a book that you find humorous; etc.  You get the idea!

LJ

[JNChell]

What you’re feeling is normal even though it doesn’t feel that way. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

From personal experience, I think that having no closure was a very hard thing to deal with. Can you relate?

I’m not very good at practicing what I preach. I am good at seeing logic. When you’re feeling those terrible feelings, go for a walk. Phone, earbuds, walk. Force yourself to go.

Your feelings are normal. Right now you and he can’t be together. You saw that he is doing well. Is he really doing well? Has he changed?

Look closer. Do you feel like you gave things up while being with him? Food, hobbies, friends, family?

[FindingMe2011]

Final discard over a month ago by BPDh.

Or is it? If its BPD, probably not and will appear at the least expected time. Expect the unexpected. Its the order to the disorder.

Silent treatment for three or so weeks and then little texts here and there.

Your punishment for being the persecutor whether you want to be or not. Its the order. The texts most likely feelers, to see where he sits, not you. If its detachment you seek answering these are not wise. Do you?

I started a text tonight to ask for a couple of things he has of mine

I have to ask again, is detachment your goal ? Do you possibly want to learn how to communicate better with him? Playing it this way will most likely ensure this next encounter. Could be tomorrow or 10 years from now. Its the order.

And I have been fine for a little bit. Totally felt like I was moving on and letting go. But now I hear he is great. After treating me like garbage, then ignoring me, and he is great. My mind is going nuts with why.

Is he in a new r/s? Kinda sounds this way...We always believe we are further along then we really are. its human nature...rest assure his next r/s will get the treating like garbage and the discard. It is the order. Learning brings understanding, understanding allows you to change your truth. Changing your truth brings more peace. Learn here or from a T. Try different things to find understanding if you feel stuck.

And. Why these feels? Deep sadness. Rejection. Abandonment. Envy.

You are asking the right questions of yourself. Investigate your FOO. You may find answers there. I also had all of these, for me I had NPD traits.

Thanks for listening.

Writing is therapy, also thank yourself. I wish you well, Peace