Skills in validation

[Elysek]

I have to begin by saying my daughter has been dx with BPD, but it my partner & I who are on the brink of ending our relationship.
I do feel there are similarities between the two, but he has never been diagnosed. I am 66 yo straight female. We have been living together 3 yrs.  He has recently expressed outrage, & much turmoil Due to my frequent invalidation of his feelings.
 
I know that this is a behavior I am guilty of. Years of living with my daughter, trying to get her to see things from a different perspective apparently was the wrong thing to do & it is a habitual & easy “go to” for me.  Add to that very strong defense mechanisms of my own...
Well ruhro...
I would characterize my partner as a hair trigger & me as a dull tool when encountering life situations.  So to validate his responses
Seems beyond difficult with any authenticity.
I am afraid that I will not be able to adopt new behaviors, but am motivated to learn. 

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[pursuingJoy]

Elysek, hi  welcome!

I find your honesty and self-awareness refreshing. 

So to validate his responses
Seems beyond difficult with any authenticity.
I am afraid that I will not be able to adopt new behaviors, but am motivated to learn. 

Validation was a tough tool for me, too. You already know it has to start with not being invalidating, and validating has to be done with a measure of authenticity or it doesn't work. What would you say is the hardest part about validating?

You say you're motivated to learn. Check out this article and let us know if anything stands out!

https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating