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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: This is all so sudden - but not  (Read 303 times)
New Song 2020
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Bisexual
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 1

« on: August 17, 2020, 08:42:01 PM »

My husband left me 3 weeks ago. Well, not really left...he decided to kick me and my older daughter out of the house less than 24 hours after I was assaulted by a client. In his mind, it was somehow twisted into a jealous rage over how I had cheated on him, and was “looking” for attention from this other man who forced himself on me. I love my husband. The pedestal he put me on was addictive; it felt good to be loved and treasured, and to compete for who could do the nicest things for the other. But the downside was complete and total dehumanization - a a degradation of character so volatile, that I began to question my own contribution to the turmoil that regularly ensued. I worry about my addiction to the broken - my fantasies of rescue and need to save; to be loved by others who clearly don’t have my back when I need it most. My heart breaks for the child we had together, and the blended family of six that we created out of so much love and mutual need for one another. I would do anything to go back in time and do things differently, but I can’t. Perhaps there is no changed course of events that would actually reset the inevitable end to one of the greatest love stories on earth. A part of me hasn’t lost hope, but the more I read, the more I understand that I really just need to focus on who I am without him, and try to raise our daughter in an isolated way that still makes her feel special. He wants nothing to do with me and refuses to co-parent on any level. My heart aches, and the healing process seems so far away. I desperately want to believe that he will snap out of this episode of blame and hatred, and see me once again for the loving woman, wife and mother that I am. I forgive you, my darling. Please come back to me.
Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6189

« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2020, 02:24:32 PM »

Hey New Song, I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  Where do things stand between you and your H at present?  Are you and your daughter living outside of your home?  Since you are on this Board, I assume you suspect that your H suffers from BPD.  What makes you think that he may have BPD?  How did you hear about BPD?

Sorry for all the questions, but am trying to get a better handle on where you are at before making any suggestions.  Fill us in, when you get a chance.


    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 69

« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2020, 07:01:30 AM »

New Song - I am sorry that your H felt it was ok to make you feel responsible for your assault by your client. This isn't ok.

I have found reading other peoples accounts on here, have shown me that the way I am being treated by my bpdH isn't ok, and I'm not alone. You obviously have your own suspicions about your own relationship.

I highly recommend finding out as much as you can, and being kind to yourself. in my opinion, you deserve to be treated better one way or another.
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