First post

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 19-year-old daughter is living with me since covid-lock-down started in March. I am single. She moved in right after ending a relationship with an abusive man. She has no job, no drivers license and does not go to school. We were OK for awhile until she attempted suicide about a month ago by overdosing on anxiety pills. While she was in the hospital she told me every day how much she loved me and that I was the best mom and the strongest person she knows. She agreed to go to a residential treatment program that specializes in DBT but she left after only one day. She said she would research and choose an outpatient program on her own but that has not happened. Since she came home she is mostly abusive to me verbally or avoids contact. She refuses to eat the food I buy and insists there is nothing to eat. She says I don't care about her and I do nothing for her. This is how things were last year before she left to go live with the abusive boyfriend in another city. The last time I tried to talk to her she yelled at me and grabbed a large fold-out knife from her bathroom that I have never seen before. She sat on the floor and began sawing at her hair with the knife until I grabbed it away from her. She found some scissors and cut the rest of her hair to the same length but it still looks like a 5-year-old tried to give herself a haircut. Since then she has been texting me and demanding that I make an appointment for her at the hair salon. So far I have not responded because of the way she treats me. I realize that there is nothing I can do for her and I am trying to focus on taking care of myself. I just started the workbook for Walking on Eggshells. I feel trapped in this house with her and wondering what will happen next. I wish that I could get her out of my house but there are so few options right now. None really that I can think of.

[ACM]

My 19-year-old daughter is living with me since covid-lock-down started in March. I am single. She moved in right after ending a relationship with an abusive man. She has no job, no drivers license and does not go to school. We were OK for awhile until she attempted suicide about a month ago by overdosing on anxiety pills. While she was in the hospital she told me every day how much she loved me and that I was the best mom and the strongest person she knows. She agreed to go to a residential treatment program that specializes in DBT but she left after only one day. She said she would research and choose an outpatient program on her own but that has not happened. Since she came home she is mostly abusive to me verbally or avoids contact. She refuses to eat the food I buy and insists there is nothing to eat. She says I don't care about her and I do nothing for her. This is how things were last year before she left to go live with the abusive boyfriend in another city. The last time I tried to talk to her she yelled at me and grabbed a large fold-out knife from her bathroom that I have never seen before. She sat on the floor and began sawing at her hair with the knife until I grabbed it away from her. She found some scissors and cut the rest of her hair to the same length but it still looks like a 5-year-old tried to give herself a haircut. Since then she has been texting me and demanding that I make an appointment for her at the hair salon. So far I have not responded because of the way she treats me. I realize that there is nothing I can do for her and I am trying to focus on taking care of myself. I just started the workbook for Walking on Eggshells. I feel trapped in this house with her and wondering what will happen next. I wish that I could get her out of my house but there are so few options right now. None really that I can think of.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Thanks for sharing your situation with others here ACM. There are many details of your life that I can identify with eg 'there's nothing to eat in this house' - when there is food a'plenty, and it just not what she wants at that moment. I have been through setting up in other accommodation  etc and have just ended up in debt and still having to deal with the abuse etc.

Does your daughter have any income herself? Can she buy her own food and cook for herself? I am surviving by trying to live a parallel life to my DD. She also won't take suggestions, wants to make her own decisions etc, and it is hard for me to step back and know that there is nothing really that I can do. Keep looking around here to see if you can find some tools to help you deal with what we all know here, is one of the most difficult things to deal with in the whole world.