I could use some support right now mainly just bc i still feel like i'm being cruel to him for cutting off contact today, which i finally have decided to do.
I thought since he had a lot of positive qualities, and bc it would be 'cruel' of me to not give it a try, that since he was already in therapy and willing to work through it with DBT that i should give him a chance.
I know it's his intense emotions and he can't reason it through but damn this sucks. I've been feeling so bad about not being caring enough about his disorder especially bc he is in treatment and says he is doing the dbt and daily meditation. But I just don't have the energy to give him bc it's never enough. I don't want to cut him off cold-turkey and seem cruel but he can't understand that I don't have any energy to give him.
Also, he takes any form of communication as a foothold to get back into my emotions and keep the communication.
Bc I'm so afraid of hurting him/him feeling pain I have been still in communication this last month. But this last episode of coming to my home and then blacking out is scary to me and shows he doesn't understand boundaries. I feel i need to cut him out completely now.
Hi Juliabee
You might find some advice on communicating with someone with BPD here or elsewhere on the site;
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0From reading your post, and specifically the bits I have quoted above, you have tried your best to help. You can't be responsible for both of you, someone on here describes a pw BPD as a bucket with holes - your love and support will never be enough to fill the bucket.
The last incident has scared you and you need to put yourself first. He can't understand that you don't have the energy to give him because he can't see things from your point of view. You have made the decision to cut him out completely. You have tried to explain and he didn't understand. I expect you were calm, kind and firm already. Stay calm but you might have to be a bit firmer. This is your decision. You have the right to end the relationship, even if it hurts him.
My ex left 6 weeks ago today (one day I will stop measuring time in this way) after I said that I was feeling low and wasn't able to respond (to his mood) in the way that he needed me to. Reading on here I am constantly astounded at the similarities in our relationships with pw BPD.
Please give more details about your r/s if it will be helpful for you.
Best wishes, Beth