He's charming after 7 months of Discard (and NC)

[LoveHimCantLeave]

Hello everyone,

My uBPD fiance(ish) began "painting me black" late last year, but the discard came in February 2020, and seven months later (August) he has now begun charming slowly and gently. As of this past week, it has been utterly romantic, and sure-footed and loving. I am still mum though as I really am scared to accept it.

Guys, he discarded me in such a traumatizing and public fashion. We were engaged to be married and he is from another country, whereas it is nearly illegal to marry a foreigner around here so I fought everyone and everything for that right. Then...pouf. You can imagine trying to recover from that after facing the same society that told me they were "protecting me all along."

This is not the first time he paints me black, but it's the first time he fully discards. Now, after going NC he wants back in. I can't let my life be this bullseye for him to wreck when he is dysregulating but I do not know how to 1) ask him to go to a therapist without it turning against me a la "you made me do it", 2) make sure that therapist is even competent enough to detect it and get him to commit to DBT!

Anyone had similar stories? Please speak up, I could use all the guidance and all the hope!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.