ISO virtual social opportunities, pandemic-safe, for partner w/ BPD

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Ideally: A “live” meeting on Zoom or other platform, once a week or more, with a more-or-less stable small group of people who use or need DBT (or similar) skills, at least lightly moderated to keep weirdos out and discussion on track. (Yes, I will ask mental health providers locally.)

What else I’ve found out there: A number of “chat-roulette” style offerings, unmoderated, one-on-one—but this could go so wrong. Pre-pandemic groups of friends who hold virtual happy hours—but we’re not part of one. Pods of families with kids doing remote school learning—but we have no kids or neighbors we feel that comfortable with. Alcoholics Anonymous and related venues—but we’ve got no substance abuse.

Why: (a) Background. Partner with DBT had rages 2014-2018 (or so); 2 suicide attempts; now has collapsed into depression, apathy, not getting out of bed, not doing ADLs, eating, hydration, hygiene. Clingy, doesn’t initiate or follow through on DBT skills, volunteer gigs, ADLs, much of anything—unless I take her hand and walk her through each step. Not good for either of us (co-dependence for me, no independence for her).

Why: (b) Right now. She talks about switching therapy from “Mental Health Provider B” back to “Mental Health Provider A.” Both offer talk therapy, psychiatrist, a few other frills. “A” referred her to “B” because she needed DBT—“B” offers DBT (she’s been going ~3 years). She says DBT skills are useful, but she doesn’t practice skills. Has 1:1 therapist Zoom meetings once every 2 weeks. She admits that she’s mainly considering the move because the grass seems greener at “A”; and the missing piece is socialization, frequency.

We’re in a moderate-risk group for Covid19 (both over 60), and both our inclination and local rules are to take few risks. Has anybody discovered any resources? Thanks for reading!

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