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Author Topic: Looks as if my no contact plan isnt working so far  (Read 502 times)
Andy1963
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« on: October 04, 2020, 07:01:39 AM »

Looks as if my no contact plan isnt working so far
So last night i get a text from her with a screenshot of a quote i put on FB about a month ago( it was a quote about being careful who you let into your life, i posted it when i was very low)
Now shes not on my FB but apparently her niece ( her sisters daughter, they hate each other) had went onto my FB, screenshotted it and sent it to my BPDs ex husband. He then passed it to their daughter who showed it to my BPD
All very bizarre, so my ex has gotten very upset, 1. Because i would post something like that which was so obviously about her
2. Why send it to her ex husband
Now I know he despises her so maybe it was to fuel him
My ex is now talking about going to the police, what the hell use that is Ive no idea?
The whole world has gone mad
« Last Edit: October 06, 2020, 08:40:21 PM by once removed » Logged
Andy1963
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« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2020, 04:34:08 AM »

Read this on another site and it has really helped me
Hope it helps others
My ex has been bombarding over the weekend after no contact for weeks
Yet shes in a new relationship, why even message me??
Very confused but its mainly been gaslighting and blame shifting
But this really helped my perspective and is going to be my guide for the next few weeks as I go full no contact again

1. This has nothing to do with you. They are sick and you cannot help them.
2. This is the greatest day of your life. You just don't know it yet.
3. You are much stronger then they are in every way.
4. Even if you've humiliated yourself. They still can't win.
5. In my experience with 3 bpds. None have kept a relationship. They left a trail of train wrecks.
6. The new guy is going to suffer this too. Guaranteed.
7. This has nothing to do with your money, physical appearance or personality.
8. Don't try to understand mental illness.
9. You are going to look back and thank God this happened some day. Guaranteed.
10. You didn't do anything wrong.
11. You used to love being single before. You will again.
12. Your real soul mate is still searching for you and they are awesome.
13. I love you man.....
14. You will heal. They will not.
15. If you feel the need to help. Donate your time and money to abused children.
16. Adults are responsible for there actions. Child molesters were victims too once.
17. You are going to win this war. You already did.
18. Deep down they know they're not good enough for you.
19. Be proud of yourself. Honesty, truthfulness and loyalty are to be admired.
20. No contact is the key to healing now.
21. You just unloaded a huge problem on some sucker... FACT.
22. YOUR MISSION NOW IS TO GET BACK TO YOU. Anyway you look at it. Moving on helps you achieve your goal. Remember that confident guy she couldn't resist. The guy that laughed her right out of her pants. That's who you still are. You just trusted a loser and that happens to everyone. That's her shame not yours. Her loss too. Oh it's so their loss it's not even funny.

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grumpydonut
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« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2020, 05:16:48 AM »

You will never achieve #22 while you still allow her to contact you.

I went through hundreds of posts from the past (page 714 to about 670). I did this because most of the older posts have finality and you can read how the chaos unfolded. You don't get that luxury when you read the recent threads, as the conclusion is still yet to occur.

The common thread from those posts from the past is those who remained in contact - usually because posters convinced themselves that they were strong enough now that they knew about BPD - got sucked back in and ultimately delayed their own recovery and any chance of finding true love (which most of us here want).
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Andy1963
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« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2020, 05:38:05 AM »

Yes you are right
The blocking stage is something I've really struggled with
I know its ultimately because I still haven't fully accepted its over, yet i really do know that it is
All my closest confidants are telling me to block her
My brother continuously berates me for replying to her messages reminding me constantly that its a hook and she is gaslighting me
It seems to be a complete mental block for me because I'm not a stupid man
I've read a lot about Trauma bonding lately and its clear I'm a dealing with that also
My goal is to garner the strength over the next few days to block her

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grumpydonut
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« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2020, 06:29:24 AM »

Yeah, you don't seem like you've accepted that it's over and a part of you still wants to try again in hope of the happy ending - and most of us, including me, have gone through this stage. It's probably very normal.

Take your time, but from my perspective that's your next step. It's hard, she will try to manipulate you to respond - or just berate you and make you feel like a bad person. But once she's gone, you can begin truly detaching and healing.
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« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2020, 01:16:53 PM »

She is with another guy now. What more do you need to know? Blocking seems like a no-brainer. I'm not sure why you would want to subject yourself to torture, which is what you're doing if you don't block her. If she wasn't with another guy and there was a chance you two were going to rekindle, that would be different. This is clearly a case where blocking is the best choice. And tell her beforehand: "I am blocking you. Good luck with life!" And don't look back.
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« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2020, 02:31:36 PM »

Hi Andy,
Remember that pwBPD don't have love "triangles."  They have love "polygons."  If she's keeping you on the periphery, it's just because she needs to know she has a spare or a safety net.  She probably realizes that she'll blow this new thing up, and she wants you has the spare just in case. 

Just this morning, my ex sent me a text asking for the address of a tattoo parlor I took her to a year ago.  And I thought, "Why are you asking me for this?"  After all, her new Narcissist boyfriend, who has worked as a ride operator in a theme park for that past 30 years, boasts all about his being a rocket scientist with an IQ of 174 (Einstein's was 160).  So why does she need me to give her an address?  Can't the genius rocket scientist just look it up for her?

It's all just a ploy to keep me on the periphery.  I'm tired of this stupid game now, and I'm disgusted by the outrageous lies coming from the Narcissist.  I just deleted the text.

I guess the point of this post is to let you know it gets better, and that a pwBPD has a mental illness with no connection to reality.

Be well, Andy.  You deserve better.  A friend sent me this, and I'll pass it on to you:

You are worthy of all good things! Your value is greater than your thoughts. Choose to be the best and highest form of you. Boundaries are a good thing. You only get treated the way you allow others to treat you. Just say no, and know you are filling your cup of happiness first and that too, is a good thing!
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Andy1963
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« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2020, 03:12:50 PM »

Thankyou for that
And you're totally right, I mean she had said the last time before the weekend that we would never speak again,  yet there she is , creating some drama over a nothing meme that I posted on FB
I need to find the strength to block her
Part of the protector role I adopted during our relationship is preventing me from doing that right now,
I know she'll mess this up too  her history is a catalogue of broken relationships
Such a shame as she's physically beautiful,  but rotten inside
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BlueSpring
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« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2020, 06:11:58 PM »

I know what you mean, Andy.  For a long time I kept believing that there was a sad, lost, little girl underneath all of that crazy, anger, and addiction.  But the truth is that she's a grown woman, and she's destroyed every relationship she's ever had, including with her kids.  She has two sister who continue to talk to her, and this Narcissist who's playing his own game with her, and that's another disaster waiting to happen.

I've asked her to come to counseling over and over again, but she kept creating conditions that amount to her blackmailing me before she'll go to counseling.  And while it hurts me to let her go, sometimes that's all we can do.  It's probably just one of those things, but trying to rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued is an exercise in futility. 

One thing I've learned in this life is that you can't deny grief.  You just have to go through it, and there are no strategies to mitigate it.  But once it's done, it's done, and you're free. 

I've found that talking it out here is very helpful.  Most people here have been through it and they "get it."   So stick around.  It will stop hurting.

BlueSpring
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Andy1963
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« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2020, 05:14:45 AM »

She continued to message me yesterday
I finally made it clear to her that im a mess right now
Probably a mistake,  but she's backed off now
Im in a daze at the moment,  my head is constantly reminding me of how bad she is for me
Yet my heart is bleeding
Have to take every day as it comes  now
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grumpydonut
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« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2020, 05:17:36 AM »

Hey Andy,

I recommend you go into the archives and look for posts from a member called "2010". He is full of great knowledge on borderline behaviour. I think it'll help you a little.

Also, don't expect compassion from her. She won't care that you're broken, because she can't feel it.
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Andy1963
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« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2020, 06:50:28 AM »

Thankyou Grumpydonut

I have done as you suggested and it really has helped with my perspective
I found the following so helpful from those posts.....as it sums up my experience 100%

That's it in a nutshell. And the entrapment happens when your partner appears completely normal- above average really- and then BANG- something goes wrong, like a glitch in the wiring.

It's that glitch that breaks your heart and makes you want to fix them. For most of us, this can be so obsessive, that it borders on detrimental. Then, when we think we have it under control ( a long talk, a carefully worded letter, a poignant plea) we get things going well again and BAM, there's the glitch again when we least expect it. And now- a pattern emerges and we begin to look for the reasons for the glitch (the FOG) Somehow we're the ones now suffering (alongside them) from the effects of BPD - For nons, there's this post traumatic stress (walking on eggshells) and worry that the glitch will be triggered again- and it always does.  It always gets triggered.

Amazingly, they turn us into them- but it's worse for us because we are not in control of the abuse. (We stay and try to control the abuse.) We are at the mercy of a capricious and vile disorder that bursts through them in the most awkward way.  It knocks the very foundation of Humanity and the Golden rule on its ___.  If you are a person who lives by rules and order- the chaos can kill you with a lethal dose of anxiety.

The bottom line is that you have to get away. Yes, you will be blamed for everything. Yes, you will be villianized. But you should stop and consider that (if you stay) this blame is already happening on a daily basis- and leaving the blame behind just gives you a better chance at serenity and a joyful life.

Remember, people who are capable of maintaining and contributing to a loving, supportive, healthy relationship DON'T need to constantly have the concepts of respect, compassion, and consideration explained to them.  People who *are* capable of genuinely loving you in a healthy and safe way, DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU, and do not DELIBERATELY do things to hurt you. They don't play on your insecurities and they don't wage psychological warfare on you.

If you find that you are having to explain the basics of respect and courtesy to a partner - if you are finding that he/she just doesn't seem to get it, when you try to explain why their behavior or actions were disrespectful - run far and run fast.  You owe it to yourself to set your standards high- but apply them as well to other people. (Some people cannot be fixed.) No more chances for them.
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Andy1963
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« Reply #12 on: October 09, 2020, 05:19:49 AM »

I have found 2010s post to be a godsend
This below is something I have first hand experience of, its actually quite surreal,  as if someone is describing my experiences in detail

For instance, you could be driving a car with a person suffering from BPD in the passenger seat, and if the perception of your driving is poor (real or imagined, it doesn't matter)- a BPD will freak out because they feel a loss of the self. This leads to annihilation fears that they have attached to you and now regret that attachment. Their want increases their frustration of being their own person- which they cannot be without YOU. Unable to be in the driver's seat, their reaction is one of intense, locked pain. The learned helplessness has turned them into caged animals- and they must erupt in rage to lash out at their own inability to get free.
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WindofChange
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« Reply #13 on: October 09, 2020, 08:57:56 AM »

"It's that glitch that breaks your heart and makes you want to fix them. For most of us, this can be so obsessive, that it borders on detrimental. Then, when we think we have it under control ( a long talk, a carefully worded letter, a poignant plea) we get things going well again and BAM, there's the glitch again when we least expect it. And now- a pattern emerges and we begin to look for the reasons for the glitch (the FOG) Somehow we're the ones now suffering (alongside them) from the effects of BPD - For nons, there's this post traumatic stress (walking on eggshells) and worry that the glitch will be triggered again- and it always does.  It always gets triggered."

Hi Andy, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how painful it is, too. Your words above are so, so familiar. I've struggled with this so long, and began drinking because of it. The drinking has been my choice, but the trauma was not, at least not consciously. Your posts are helpful to me, and I'm sure they are to others as well. Hang in there!
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« Reply #14 on: October 09, 2020, 10:54:38 AM »

Hey Andy, really glad you took that advice, and even better to read that his posts are helping you like they are helping  / have helped me.
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« Reply #15 on: October 09, 2020, 11:49:03 AM »

Hi Andy,

interesting post thanks for sharing what you are going through now.

( it was a quote about being careful who you let into your life, i posted it when i was very low)

All very bizarre, so my ex has gotten very upset, 1. Because i would post something like that which was so obviously about her


Is she right that it was referring to her?

did part of posting it involve a wish that she may come across it?

the subconcious initiated action where we can design these outcomes that then on surface level we appear surprised and shocked over, but is it a complete surprise? I mean, it is FB, wide audience to read.

these situations are dreadful, it is deep emotional pain and looking to express and soothe it. I did this with my ex, if only as learning opportunities to realise - eventually - very unproductive, the empathy was not there neither in a state of anger, or upset - it sometimes also just created more problems.

I just realised one day that we were - both - ill people. and ill plus ill equals twice ill. Sorry if that comes across algebraic. Add stagnation in to make it more complex.


my therapist told me I was in no state to be helping anyone else except myself. calling myself a rescuer is self-described, only as accurate as that self-descriptor.

studies have shown that pwBPD substantial majority end up in remission of the disorder at 10 years. It sort of sobered me up a bit to realise a sense of self-induced misery that statistics might show a decade later, my ex getting better, but what sort of state would the so called rescuer be in? I didnt want to find out, 3 years was enough. 3 years I feel now recovered and learned from it.

I can self-soothe emotionally, it just felt sometimes overwhelming to reach out either directly or indirectly. This group has been that safe port of call to do just that, win-win, because not exactly fair to have an ill person as my ex expected to deal with my emotional issues, especially when the condition is that of BPD with emotional dysregulation as such a core feature of the dynamics. Just not fair to expect her to take anything on board.
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Andy1963
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« Reply #16 on: October 09, 2020, 01:53:57 PM »

I posted the meme on FB during a night when i was falling apart
I posted many other very dark and painful things which led to family and friends calling me in a panic, worried that i was about to do something stupid
Yes, that particular post referred to how hurt i was feeling due to her actions and her moving on so quickly
But many others were about my pain and despair
I had no reason to think she would see any of those posts, her claim about how she came to see it is unusual as it involves other parties who in theory should never have been on my page, i barely knew them
Also, they were posted weeks ago so id actually forgotten about them
But my recent incite into her BPD and everything about our relationship has made me realise there was nothing i could ever have done to change the outcome
I loved that girl to the ends of the earth, but it was and could never have been enough
I know i gave absolutely every ounce that i had to make it work
I now know, it was completely impossible
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WindofChange
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« Reply #17 on: October 10, 2020, 06:27:14 AM »

I feel your words, Andy. With regard to my ex, I felt so sad for that little boy who was abused so badly, I just wanted to love him into wholeness. An impossible task. And then to have him turn on me so viciously was, well, pretty damned unbearable.
Your posts talking about "2010" made me curious. Can you tell me how to search the archives and find his posts? I tried looking for 2010, but that did not work, too many members have that in their name.
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« Reply #18 on: October 10, 2020, 08:06:38 AM »

Yes you are right
The blocking stage is something I've really struggled with
I know its ultimately because I still haven't fully accepted its over, yet i really do know that it is
All my closest confidants are telling me to block her
My brother continuously berates me for replying to her messages reminding me constantly that its a hook and she is gaslighting me
It seems to be a complete mental block for me because I'm not a stupid man
I've read a lot about Trauma bonding lately and its clear I'm a dealing with that also
My goal is to garner the strength over the next few days to block her


[/My goal is to garner the strength over the next few days to block her quote]

I just did this yesterday afternoon I thought I would never be able to do it, you can do it and it’s worth it.
I caught my exbpd in more lies and had enough, I felt that for the last 2 months she has only been trying to hurt me and enough is enough. They will not change I don’t know maybe they get a thrill out of toying with us.
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grumpydonut
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« Reply #19 on: October 10, 2020, 09:15:28 AM »

@winds

2010's posts

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?action=profile;u=38193 Bullet: important point (click to insert in post)
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You cant get rid of BPD, you can only manage it


« Reply #20 on: October 10, 2020, 01:16:42 PM »

No contact rule means exactly that. Anything that alters "no contact" is contact.
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Andy1963
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« Reply #21 on: October 10, 2020, 01:41:35 PM »

Why is it when I'm having a couple of good days I all of a sudden hit a wall of pain?
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« Reply #22 on: October 10, 2020, 01:51:18 PM »

@grumpydonut

I get an error message whenever I click the link (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?action=profile;u=38193) to try to see other posts by user 2010. I have so far only been able to find three posts, all of which have been very insightful. any help on how to get the profile view to work would be so appreciated! There are so many folks on this board whose insights I'd like to track in a similar way.
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Andy1963
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« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2020, 01:58:59 PM »

Search the site for 2010 posts
Ive gained so much from them
Struggling today though,  just shows how powerful the effects can be 
I had 3 really good days   then boom, im a mess again
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grumpydonut
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« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2020, 08:28:37 PM »

Hi Andy, probably just how grief works. Maybe it's a bit like withdrawal? Sudden urges, cravings, feeling like you'll never be recovered, etc (so you think you may as well contact her).

Stick at it! No contact = closer to health.
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« Reply #25 on: October 10, 2020, 09:07:25 PM »

Andy, I think it's just part of the process. I am only about 5 days no contact. Today is the first day I haven't cried. But I am guilty of checking on his social media activity. It's not as often as it was, and I'm trying to slowly phase it out. At least this time isn't as bad as when he dumped me almost a year ago -- about 2 weeks after after I took him away for a small getaway to a beautiful little lake. I was trying to help him because he'd been struggling so much with depression. We enjoyed part of it, but part of the time he was horrible to me.2 weeks later, bam!
At least when we got back together in February, I didn't fully get my hopes up. I kept kind of waiting, guarding against when it would go south again. And here we are. I feel better than I did a week ago, but tomorrow could be a bad day again. Just trust that as you go along, the bad days will be fewer, and the good days will happen more often. Take care of you. You deserve that. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #26 on: October 11, 2020, 05:39:17 AM »

It helps to focus on a couple of things for me
1. This is a disorder, there was never anything I could do to fix it, change it, or make it go away
The glitches would have happened no matter what I said or did.
In fact those glitches happened most often when I was being an amazing, loving partner to her. Its almost as if the feeling of love and security i was transmitting scared her to the core and brought out her deep insecurities and fear

2. By actually reminding myself how many times she said and did horrible things, told me to go home and treated me like a piece of dirt on her shoe.
I have to stay focused on how many times I used to say to myself  ' I need to get out of this '
I said those words many many times
Well now I'm out and its quite scary
But its now 5 days NC and only time can heal me
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« Reply #27 on: October 15, 2020, 02:27:48 AM »

Staff only

This thread has reached its post limit and been closed. The discussion continues here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=346988.0
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