I’m pregnant. I just found out and told my partner a few days ago.

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I’m pregnant.

I just found out and told my partner a few days ago. We’ve been through an unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage this summer which was very hard.

This was also an unexpected surprise and I knew he’d be freaked out but I thought ultimately he would be positive and take it in stride (like last time).

I can’t even begin to explain the hell we’ve been going through. He’s pushed me away SO hard, telling me he’s not capable and he can’t be with me. He’s being extremely cruel by pulling me close and then pushing and telling me if I have this baby, I’m completely on my own with it. He says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he doesn’t want to give me any hope at all. He told me this decision was final and he wouldn’t come around at all.

Then the next minute, he’s apologizing and telling me he’s taking all his pain out on me and he’s terrified. I’m all those things too but I’m at least acting like a decent human being.

I don’t even recognize him. He’s turned into an absolute shell of the man I knew- even just a week ago he was a completely different person. Every attempt I make at a positive or supportive conversation is either shut down, or just explodes into him being even more cruel and hurtful to continue pushing me away. He says he just wants to run away and leave everyone behind- he’s even made a plan for leaving. This would mean abandoning his already 7-year old son (from his first marriage) and I honestly don’t think he ever would leave him. But this kind of talk is terrifying.

I can’t handle this. I’m so heartbroken and have no idea what to do. I can’t handle being a single mom but don’t want to terminate this pregnancy either. Is there ANYTHING that can be done to improve our situation?

I’ve never felt so abandoned by him and I’ve never experienced this level of pushing before. Sorry this is all over the place. I just never thought things could get SO bad and I’m just at a complete loss.

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its really a special sort of hell youre going through...a hard place to be, for sure 

Then the next minute, he’s apologizing and telling me he’s taking all his pain out on me and he’s terrified

i think you can take this at face value. see the hurtful things hes saying, and doing, for what they are.

it doesnt remove the sting, but practically speaking, you know what hes doing.

Is there ANYTHING that can be done to improve our situation?

it may take some time.

you might consider having a series of talks about it (primarily listening). you might consider the two of you getting involved in parenting classes. its hard to say. right now, the suggestion might make things more "real" than hes able to cope with.

what do you think?