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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Jay763

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: fighting
Posts: 18


« on: October 11, 2020, 10:09:55 PM »

HI,

I was with my (professionally undiagnosed) pwBP  for 4yrs and I live with my father  - caretaking/monitoring and it's been rough on the relationship because of me being tapped out, not present all the time, drained whatever by the time I get to the EX. So this made for fighting due to me being irritated, making him feel disconnected from me. I didn't realize all this while it was happening...I realized after the longest breakup we have had -1 month. It had been torture, I even took up jogging daily so I can run out my horrible feelings and cry about being a careperson and having my EX leave me, ice me out. It's covid and it's PLEASE READty timing...making it all about him, how he feels alone, not connected, he fights with me then says we don't get along.

In the beginning of the breakup, I stood up for myself and announced I am so tired of you breaking up with me all the time - well he ruminated on this for a week and we spoke on the phone and I said someday I would like another chance  - we should want to be better and evolve; he said he was manic and on a rollercoaster, putting my cards out and just sad; asked if I would go on walks with him and out to eat and I said of course (covid talk). Few days later, he texted me "Im not ready, I need to think things thru, I dont know how its going to be different or how I will be different" I said let's both take some time and go within strive for better reactions. So I reached out 4 days later and he was in a total rabbit hole saying he cant do this anymore and held me hostage to only texting. It has been horrible. I pleaded letting him know all of my realizations and how I can do better to have us have a strong connection and I have(now)  realized the toll caretaking has done to me. We have been (more me), going back and forth in text - trying to have him believe it could be truly different this one last chance (and how I have given him a chance in past; always taking him back). He is now the iceman. Cold in his text tone...it's horrible. Truly horrible. I thought I had him back and he just doesn't believe me...he is part of the problem too of course..but I explained alll of our triggers in my last message - no response...

And I ask myself; is this my life ? Covid, caretaking, bf leaves

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grumpydonut
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 148



« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2020, 04:51:05 AM »

Hi Jay,

Your situation is exactly how mine went. I found out later that she was seeing someone the entire time. Yours has used the same reasons and phrases, it's eerie.

I would definitely be very careful and begin to guard your heart.
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