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Author Topic: First time joining  (Read 184 times)
Cleartheair
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated by abandonment
Posts: 1


« on: November 16, 2020, 11:00:17 PM »

Hi everyone! Excited to be a part of this journey with you all. I'm just getting out there trying to heal, work on myself, not focus as much on the uncontrolables and be there for my three kids after their mom (my wife of 17 years) left us randomly, and decided to start a new life like she did when I met her 17 years ago. I found out about a lot of traumatic things about her and it's very painful. She had even tryed to kill herself at least once in thr past 5 months when she bailed. I need understanding, and healing to be emotionally there for myself and children. It's overwhelming.

Thank you,

J
« Last Edit: November 25, 2020, 11:32:39 AM by Mutt, Reason: Removed identifying information » Logged
Inside
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 604



« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2020, 09:54:59 AM »

Focus on those kids.  I did, after my wife of 25 years left us.  My wife had not had BPD, that r/s came later, but with an acute anxiety disorder, the end results felt the same.

As I cared for my two kids, it was noticed.  And though my soon-to-be former wife instantly sought companionship/ enabler/ replacement, I concentrated on raising our children.  Ultimately, being a part of their lives will have far richer rewards and ramifications than maintaining a difficult r/s with any one person. 

Not having bad mouthed my former wife to our children, it was gratifying beyond description to eventually have both, at different times and words, acknowledge and describe to me that they now ‘understood’ who was at fault.  College graduates, they’d come to realize their mother’s limitations.. 

Learn what you can and need regarding BPD.  Keeping in mind, your children are genetically susceptible.  And, you need to know what to expect as your former wife moves in and out of their lives.. 

I’d been the primary caregiver from birth for my two children, so we remained close.  And as difficult as it was navigating teenage daughters, those are some of the most rewarding memories of my life, both good and bad … And, we made it! 

You’ve found a good place here, the best.  And though I’ve been away for a while, I was off gathering wisdom and perspective to share here - a place that allowed me to move forward through shared experiences and additional information.  Welcome  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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Mutt
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10278



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« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2020, 11:37:31 AM »

Hi Cleartheair,

Excerpt
Not having bad mouthed my former wife to our children, it was gratifying beyond description to eventually have both, at different times and words, acknowledge and describe to me that they now ‘understood’ who was at fault. 

I agree with Inside. Stay neutral, be the lighthouse for the kids, take really good care of yourself because that will allow you to really there for the people that care about and need your support.

It helps to talk. Hopefully when you’re ready I’d like to hear the backstory. Hang in there.
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