Focus on those kids. I did, after my wife of 25 years left us. My wife had not had BPD, that r/s came later, but with an acute anxiety disorder, the end results felt the same.
As I cared for my two kids, it was noticed. And though my soon-to-be former wife instantly sought companionship/ enabler/ replacement, I concentrated on raising our children. Ultimately, being a part of their lives will have far richer rewards and ramifications than maintaining a difficult r/s with any one person.
Not having bad mouthed my former wife to our children, it was gratifying beyond description to eventually have both, at different times and words, acknowledge and describe to me that they now ‘understood’ who was at fault. College graduates, they’d come to realize their mother’s limitations..
Learn what you can and need regarding BPD. Keeping in mind, your children are genetically susceptible. And, you need to know what to expect as your former wife moves in and out of their lives..
I’d been the primary caregiver from birth for my two children, so we remained close. And as difficult as it was navigating teenage daughters, those are some of the most rewarding memories of my life, both good and bad … And, we made it!
You’ve found a good place here, the best. And though I’ve been away for a while, I was off gathering wisdom and perspective to share here - a place that allowed me to move forward through shared experiences and additional information. Welcome