Don't want to go full on again, as I expect her to be gone in a few months

[Unsure101]

Half expect her to be back in the house at some point, wouldn't be the first time.

As an update...

Well , after drip feeding me snapshots, then blocking me from everything, and having very limited contact, left WhatsApp, and text open in case of emergencies, communication opened up again, her new relationship pretty much fell apart after a couple of weeks, they tried a few times to make it work, but for reasons unknown, it fell apart , n from what she's told me she painted him black, left on bad terms with each other. He wasn't the most stable guy anyway.

Anyway, she's ended up back at mine, she had the key anyway, and I said you're free to come back.

I'm trying to keep her at arms length, and my barriers half way up, don't want to go full on into this again, as I'm half expecting her to be gone in a few months, but she said she never stopped thinking about me, and does love me , hmm.

Thoughts ?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Unsure101]

The whole thing from leaving to returning, lasted about 4 months.

[HopelessBroken]

Hi Unsure!

I want to make sure I understand. She left you, got engaged and broke it off and came back to you and moved back in, within a four month time frame?

[Unsure101]

Hi Unsure!

I want to make sure I understand. She left you, got engaged and broke it off and came back to you and moved back in, within a four month time frame?

Yeah, that's about right, she never officially moved everything out though, but she's moved her stuff back in now .

[Unsure101]

I'm really struggling to figure out why she's came back tbh.

Like her moods in overdrive, up down, hating life, asking me if I even want kids one minute, and saying if you just communicated with me we'd be fine, followed by I hate it here, I don't want to be here, (Erm, you chose to come back, we weren't even talking after you blocked me?) , and I'm pretty sure she's dating another guy already... I hope she's not gonna ask to do this whole open relationship crap again, I was hardly over the moon last time she suggested it, read previous threads for details.

It truly amazes me how quickly these can dart from one to another , since we broke up regrettably I've only been on one real date, and that was a bit rubbish, yet she seems to have a string of losers lined up.

Anyway, what do you reckon she wants, Why'd she come back if she's not even gonna attempt to make it work with me?, But in the same breath, suggesting who's gonna look after the family pet when we go on holiday, suggesting getting a new family pet, and decorating ideas if she's gonna bolt again ?, And tbh, these last few days she's got the takeaways in for us to share.

I know she's going through a patch and her emotions are all over, but I dunno, bit mythed tbh.

[once removed]

if you want to understand why she came back, understand why you took her back.

it was easier than the alternative.

it was a smooth transition, from your hurt, and from hers.

understand that its am impulsive move on both your parts, and you are right, it has a likelihood of failure.

understand, more than anything, what is necessary (if possible) if you want this to work.

you are somewhat right to be on guard. she just emerged from a relationship where she was engaged. emotionally speaking, thats her primary focus. her primary focus is not on improving her relationship with you, but on surviving and avoiding grief.

so, dont get caught up in what shes saying, or not saying about your relationship. shes venting. and frankly speaking, if the two of you arent officially together, what shes saying about the past relationship is not your problem. dont get ahead of it.

I hope she's not gonna ask to do this whole open relationship crap again, I was hardly over the moon last time she suggested it, read previous threads for details.

respectfully, you have invited this complication into your life. its understandable, and im not telling you to do otherwise. i am, however, encouraging you to grasp what youre facing, and specifically, ask what is your ultimate goal here. do you want to get back together?

[Unsure101]

I think the problem is, I really still care for her, I know it's stupid and kinda reckless, but I do still foolishly see something in her .

Problem now is she's in full on self destruct mode, she's going about seeking a shag, she's doing both coke and weed now, although she doesn't do coke here, she was actually admitted to hospital a few weeks ago. And she's currently off sick off work.

I just feel like she's losing herself and giving up, I can't decide what to do. She's gone round a friend's house apparently to do coke, can't tell if she's actually going to do it though.

She did start getting help for bpd and started therapy recently, but she's saying no one's listening to her crys for help.

She's also completely depressed atm.

[Unsure101]

Like if she sorted herself out , that'd be great, but every time she leaves and comes back, a little more of herself is gone, and the days where we actually have fun and I get to see the real her get smaller.

I put off seeing my friends this weekend, almost to the point I was going to cancel, wanted to do something with her, but she wasn't interested, so messaged my friends and now we're going town .

[Unsure101]

Really starting to struggle with everything to be honest

Can't tell if what's she's saying is the truth or gibberish , I feel like a big of a mug too.

Like she came back, she moved her stuff out of the exs to here, we shared the same bed recently, nothing sexual , just cuddling and falling asleep together.

Last night she made an excuse to go to her ex's to get a few things, came back this morning clearly after they spent the evening chatting, apparently, today, I expected her to be staying, but she said she was spending the night at her mum's, but her ex picked her up, maybe he's just being a friend, dropping her off there, but somehow, it's just setting off alarm bells in my head.

It's making me stressed, the more I start thinking, the more my anxiety goes up, and I don't even suffer from anything like that, but it's really getting to me.

On the one hand, I can't really complain as she's single, on the other I was seriously, kinda stupidly wanting to make a go of it.



But I dunno, maybe she is at her mum's, I'm completely torn

The whole situation feels PLEASE READ, and to top it off, we've just entered lockdown again, so seeing my friends is completely out. Think these next few weeks are going to be painful for me


But then she said the other day how it'll be good to spend lockdown together just the two of us.

Hate everything right now, literally feel sick

[once removed]

it would be a sizeable mistake to over invest, based on what is, and has been going on.

On the one hand, I can't really complain as she's single, on the other I was seriously, kinda stupidly wanting to make a go of it.

to make a go of it, you cant rely on her coming back, fresh from a breakup, saying nice words, and assuming all will be well.

you have to understand the full ball game. you have to understand why you broke up, whats going to change (have a game plan), but you also have to read this situation, realistically, for what it is.

what it is, is that shes trying to rebound, and seeking affection as a means of coping with a breakup.

you have to take that with a grain of salt. with humility. with realism.

its not so much that shes insincere. its that shes flying blind. if you, likewise fly blind, in this scenario, you are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.