Changing beliefs

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello!

So I've been in therapy for a while due to my BPD parent. I've developed a lot of anxiety and OCD because of my childhood and young adulthood with my parent's ups and downs. Now my life seems to revolve around her and she's always on my mind. It's like I've been conditioned to live according to her way. I'm 28 years old and honestly I am tired of thinking about her constantly. I love my mom but she doesn't need to be the most important thing in my life. My therapist wants me to start working on changing my beliefs about my mom, from "if she blows up it will be the end of the world and I can't handle it" to "if she blows up, it may suck but I will be okay." Does anyone have any recommendations on self-help books, sites that may help someone to change such a deep-seated belief? Or exercises, strategies to help with this?  Thanks!

[Josie2020]

Hello!

So I've been in therapy for a while due to my BPD parent. I've developed a lot of anxiety and OCD because of my childhood and young adulthood with my parent's ups and downs. Now my life seems to revolve around her and she's always on my mind. It's like I've been conditioned to live according to her way. I'm 28 years old and honestly I am tired of thinking about her constantly. I love my mom but she doesn't need to be the most important thing in my life. My therapist wants me to start working on changing my beliefs about my mom, from "if she blows up it will be the end of the world and I can't handle it" to "if she blows up, it may suck but I will be okay." Does anyone have any recommendations on self-help books, sites that may help someone to change such a deep-seated belief? Or exercises, strategies to help with this?  Thanks!

[Sylfine]

Hi Josie2020!

Welcome to the forums.  First off, wonderful of you to be taking the steps to realize this. You are not alone in this.  A few books that helped me were:

Stop Walking on Eggshells
Understanding the Borderline Mother
Surviving a Borderline Parent
No Guilt, No Games, No Drama

Please post your questions.  I have found so many people on this board to be extremely helpful.  Best of luck!

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Josie2020:

My therapist wants me to start working on changing my beliefs about my mom, from "if she blows up it will be the end of the world and I can't handle it" to "if she blows up, it may suck but I will be okay." Does anyone have any recommendations on self-help books, sites that may help someone to change such a deep-seated belief? Or exercises, strategies to help with this?  Thanks!

I'm a big fan of an app (for both Android & Apple) called Insight Timer.  It has a lot of free mindfulness exercises & meditations.  It, also, has free daily live sessions from various presenters.  The premium service has some helpful courses to take.  One course on an "Anxiety Toolkit" from Andrea Watcher has some helpful mental exercises & strategies. 

Andrea Watcher, also, has a website.  She is a therapist & you might find some of her blog information helpful:

Self-Parenting: What’s Your Style?
www.andreawachter.com/self-parenting-whats-your-style/

Upgrading Your Internal Soundtrack
www.andreawachter.com/upgrading-your-internal-soundtrack/

Healing What You’re Feeling When You’re Reeling
www.andreawachter.com/healing-what-youre-feeling-when-youre-reeling/

The 3 blog articles deal with internal dialogs.  Your therapist is trying to coach you to change your script.  Perhaps if you can check out the blogs, you might find something you want to discuss in an upcoming therapy session.

I'm in the process of transcribing a lesson from Andrea's audio course on "Heart to Heart With Anxious Part".  If I see that you are still around, when I finish the instructions, I'll post it in your thread.  It guides you towards a kinder inner dialog.

[CampingGirl]

. Now my life seems to revolve around her and she's always on my mind. It's like I've been conditioned to live according to her way. I'm 28 years old and honestly I am tired of thinking about her constantly. I love my mom but she doesn't need to be the most important thing in my life.

I feel exactly the same way about my sister. I am 45 and wish I had that realization when I was your age! Reading Codependent No More was a huge help for me and I recommend it.
I finally realized that I did not want to spend the rest of my life thinking about her constantly. Now I focus on myself and my husband and our physical, and mental health 

[Josie2020]

thank you all so much, I will definitely be looking through those sources!

[zachira]

My therapist gave me a tip that has helped me more than trying to change my beliefs. She told me to observe my feelings when I was being mistreated by a disordered person. It helps me not to take personally how they are treating me, and to stay present with my feelings so there is little to be upset about later on. Let us know how you are doing and what helps. There are many different ways to deal with a mother who is emotionally overwhelming, and you will find what works best for you.