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[wmblair]

Hi. I was married to somone with BPD from 2004-2009. I met a new wonderful person in 2014 and we got married in 2016 and we had a son in 2018. She says she changed after she gave birth in many ways. She was always a worrier and I think that exploded after our son was born. After seven months I started staying home full time and she went back to work and things started to fall apart.

Gradually it dawned on me several times that she had traits of BPD. Then a few weeks ago my therapist and medication doctor both said it sounds like she has traits of someone with BPD and I was like, oh I know. I felt great shame that I did this somehow on purpose or something was wrong with me.

I have depression and anxiety.

Our marriage has been very rocky all year. She has hit me on 20 separate occassions. She has broken two doors. She has locked me in the basement. She steals my phone and wallet and keys when mad at me. She tore up my mail-in ballot.

I have recently started reading more about BPD and got the walking on eggshells audiobook. I am more convinced then ever that she has BPD but I have not told her about it. She has seen four different therapists this year.

She thinks she has an anger problem. But she also is enraged if I talk about it in terms of her having an anger problem even in the context of her having brought it up.

Reading about BPD I worry about our 2 year old son.  I worry that it is damaging to see us fight. But I worry more about if she gets worse and is demanding and unloving. I worry that if I leave her she will go scorched earth and also that if she doesn't she will have even more stress and no one to help her work and take care of our son.

I don't know what to do. I hope her therapist can find out she is BPD and tell her.

We are going back to couple's counselling for the fourth time - she keeps cancelling it and has more and more rules for what we can talk about.

My plan is to stay as long as it is tenable. There have been several times this year where it has not been tenable.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Melissinde]

Hey wmblair,

Welcome here, it's a good thing you reached out here. Sharing my story and reading about others helped me cope multiple time when I was feeling overwhelmed by my boyfriend's attitude.

I can only imagine what you must be going through, having a child involved. Each situation is unique but a lot of patterns in what we are experiencing are similar. I have depression and anxiety myself, I know how hard it makes it to cope with a partner who has severe mood swings and anger issues.

Do you want to share about your latest fight? Has something happened recently?

[Rev]

Hi. I was married to somone with BPD from 2004-2009. I met a new wonderful person in 2014 and we got married in 2016 and we had a son in 2018. She says she changed after she gave birth in many ways. She was always a worrier and I think that exploded after our son was born. After seven months I started staying home full time and she went back to work and things started to fall apart.

Gradually it dawned on me several times that she had traits of BPD. Then a few weeks ago my therapist and medication doctor both said it sounds like she has traits of someone with BPD and I was like, oh I know. I felt great shame that I did this somehow on purpose or something was wrong with me.

I have depression and anxiety.

Our marriage has been very rocky all year. She has hit me on 20 separate occassions. She has broken two doors. She has locked me in the basement. She steals my phone and wallet and keys when mad at me. She tore up my mail-in ballot.

I have recently started reading more about BPD and got the walking on eggshells audiobook. I am more convinced then ever that she has BPD but I have not told her about it. She has seen four different therapists this year.

She thinks she has an anger problem. But she also is enraged if I talk about it in terms of her having an anger problem even in the context of her having brought it up.

Reading about BPD I worry about our 2 year old son.  I worry that it is damaging to see us fight. But I worry more about if she gets worse and is demanding and unloving. I worry that if I leave her she will go scorched earth and also that if she doesn't she will have even more stress and no one to help her work and take care of our son.

I don't know what to do. I hope her therapist can find out she is BPD and tell her.

We are going back to couple's counselling for the fourth time - she keeps cancelling it and has more and more rules for what we can talk about.

My plan is to stay as long as it is tenable. There have been several times this year where it has not been tenable.

Hello my friend...

Thank you so much for reaching out.  There's lot's in here. 

And I'll take some time to think about this. 

For now... are you safe?  Is your son safe?  Never mind BPD - you are living much stress in the midst of COVID and the election right now. 

You have shown much courage in reaching out here.

Keep reaching out.

Rev

[wmblair]

Hey wmblair,

Welcome here, it's a good thing you reached out here. Sharing my story and reading about others helped me cope multiple time when I was feeling overwhelmed by my boyfriend's attitude.

I can only imagine what you must be going through, having a child involved. Each situation is unique but a lot of patterns in what we are experiencing are similar. I have depression and anxiety myself, I know how hard it makes it to cope with a partner who has severe mood swings and anger issues.

Do you want to share about your latest fight? Has something happened recently?

I think our latest fight was very stupid. I started explaining what happened to my therapist and got very frustrated because the details seemed ridiculous and unimportant. I was very fed up in the moment and the next day.

I think that I used to be able to cope much better with the anger than came from nowhere. I worry a bit that I am being unkind.

I had stopped listening to the audiobook of walking on eggshells because listening to the stuff about children who had parents with BPD was very distressing.

But I am listening the book again because I feel like I need a new approach.

Thank you for your message.