Hi Smurf,
That is honerable and brave of you to want to take care of your Dad. However. One thing I've learned from being the adult child of a borderline parent...you really should focus on yourself and your healing (first!). Afterall, you deserve it.
Welcome and I hope you will post a bit more. What are you working on in therapy? How long have you been in therapy? I am happy to share more of my "adventure," I spent a significant part of my 30's (almost a decade) working with therapists after going no contact with my BPD'd mom. I am approaching 50 btw. I did cognitive behavorial, to get past some of the trauma (PTSD) like events with my Mom, from childhood. As an example, I had a memory of my Mom dropping us off on the side of the freeway in Montana, and taking off over a hill. My siblings and i ran after her, as the car disappeared, we truly felt abandoned. I remember collapsing in tears after sprinting after the car for about a mile? She eventually came back and got us, but this memory was painful for many years... My T worked with me to rephrase this particular scene and other similiar "incidents" in a more positive manner. In this example, I was left with the statement 'I feel strong' rather than 'I feel abandoned' after the therapy. Just an example.
I also tried hypnotherapy later, and that really helped me the most. You should not be afraid to try a combo of things. I also feel that No Contact truly helped me gain some much needed perspective. I am now low contact, with better boundaries (I hope).
I found this article helpful as it sums up how I feel as an adult child of a BPD'd (or narcissist) parent. we do have some unique challenges, I think.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/201910/foreshortened-future-view-in-adult-children-narcissistsI am interested in hearing your thoughts Smurf
B
