my BDP partner left me

[natalie_1234]

I was with someone I loved very much for one year. He had obsessive thoughts that I was something else - a cheat, obsessed with other men etc etc. He had 'determined' this from the 'likes' i got on facebook or because I wore leggings or other such reasons. We had countless arguments (he did) - I did not reciprocate where he called me a whore (because of my likes on facebook) or my past with 2 or 3 men before him).

Finally, he saw that I had followed someone on twitter (which I did for professional purposes) and also searched my internet history and found that I looked up 2 men (which I had done so again to see who they were as they had liked me professional page and I delete irrelevant people)

So, after moving into a new place (rented) he left after 5 days and cut me from his life. I really think he suffers from BDP (although no formal diagnosis) because he just would change so rapidly. He left by spitting at me, throwing cold water in my eyes and calling me a whore.

I just need any kind of help to cope with this. The good times were more than great. I know this was not a healthy relationship but I am still deeply miserable at loosing him.

Any help much appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Inside]

Your assumed diagnosis fits.  Some say there’s treatment, but it must be sought.  Other’s say there’s no cure, I agree.  

If your experience plays out like mine, it only gets worse.  The great times in the beginning are never matched, and instead of growing closer from adversity, a chasm forms - and expands.

Little behavior of those with BPD is real, and it appears impossible for them to maintain a lasting facade.  What appears easier is to find someone else and start again; to see if ‘this time’ it works.  So, less effort is put into maintaining a troubled r/s ... while more goes toward finding a new one.  It has appeared to me, from research, personal examples and experience, that it always ends.  

Our pain is real, theirs too.  But we cannot change them, and unless they’re willing to drill down deep into themselves - with the constant desire to change (something many feel is beyond their capacity) - the only change in a r/s will be for the worse.  

Seek and use healthy methods of stabilizing yourself. Focus on family, work, exercise, or friends.  Expect future attempts at contact from him.  Ignoring everything but threats (reported to law enforcement) will both encourage and allow him time to move on.  If there’s nothing to be gained from you, his focus will change.

And realize, as boring as ‘normal guys’ may seem in comparison, they’re worth the effort.  They can move to the next, and the next level.  Those with BPD can not; they will always hit their wall ... then blame it on you.