the chain of abuse (and stopping it)

[Cromwell]

i guess this might be more advanced for some members because some might read this and I wonder thinking

"what the hell is he talking about"

the chain of abuse, it is crudely put - psychological theory of victim to abuser to victim and so on

take for example, I felt I wanted to send an insult on social media to my ex today, the only thing that stopped me was having to actually fill out a form and sign up. but if I did it is "to hurt" in some way, and why? because she had done to me.

but with reference to the "chain", is to see her as a prior victim to - why did she abuse me? she had been abused by someone else.

and so it goes, in  both directions, the theory.

so i broke the chain from my end and if it has continued its linkage in some other direction, its nothing to do with me anymore.

and anyway im getting too old to find myself insulting folk. im nearly 40, not only can I not be bothered hurling any, ive heard all of them before to the point of viewing any as 'noise'.

i wanted a life with her, or someone, not noise, and fights, and mental detritus

too banal, im above all that. not a match, its plain to see. I needed to just become one with that and true to my self.. "bpd, not for me"

[B53]

Right on!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Cromwell, Nicely done.  You did well to rise above the fray, by not engaging in mud slinging.  It suggests to me that you have taken yourself out of the game, which I find a healthy approach.  Right, the abuse buck stops with you.  In my view you are on the right path, my friend.

LJ

[Cromwell]

Thank you both,

it is getting easier all the time, as each moment of not reaching out seems to create a memory of life going on without needing to - fuel drama, maintain a connection. It helps to mention it here, wish you all well.