My Blessing

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I wasn't sure if this is the right board to post under, but if not, please move it to correct one.

The end of 2020 is almost here.  The world turned upside down and everything has gone crazy anywhere you live.  I sometimes forget about my own little world.

I am hoping this gives hope to anyone, no matter where you are in your journey.  On my birthday this year, I signed myself into a domestic violence shelter.  This time I promised myself I was done, whatever I had to do, I would get away from him, and never go back.  The week prior to entering the DV shelter, I was sleeping in a motel room, then the back of a van.  The kids were with my parents.

Since June 21st, I have taken many chances and placed faith where I thought was none.  I prayed every night for the strength and courage to do what I needed to.  Until Novemeber 5th, I spent the entire time, fighting for my sanity with H and his constant onslaught of attacks. 

I dropped out of all but one of my college classes, I started a new job, my parents helped me get a loan on a new car, I lost hours in my new job due to an inappropriate patient, I was granted a protective order, I didn't see S4 for three weeks as H used severe manipultion, FOG, to try to get me to break and drop the legal procedure, he only has supervised visits, I got a new apt after hard work (where it is a safe place and I don't have severe anxitey), I have a wonderful and kind neighbor, I live in a safe neighborhood with good schools, when my kids were at my parents for the holidays, I worked sometimes 10-11 hours a day with my new job and door to door deliveries to make up for lost hours, I got a call from the legal aid group that they are going to help me with my divorce/custody, the DA is pressing charges on him from the assault back in January, they gave me a clothing voucher for myself and the boys, and today I got a call from the local PD telling me that we have been nominated to do Xmas shop with a cop in a couple weeks.

I promised myself this was it.  I still feel some guilt when it comes to the boys not seeing H, but I keep reminding myself that he brought it upon himself.  All actions have consenquences.

The point I guess I am trying to make is, we all deserved to live happy, healthy, safe lives.  I feel like I have been blessed beyond what I could of ever imagined and I am thankful.  If you are doubting what life will be if you leave.. I am living proof, things do get better.  It will take hard work, patience, consitency, but it can happen.  Walking away from him was the best choice I ever made.

[Frankee]

I wasn't sure if this is the right board to post under, but if not, please move it to correct one.

The end of 2020 is almost here.  The world turned upside down and everything has gone crazy anywhere you live.  I sometimes forget about my own little world.

I am hoping this gives hope to anyone, no matter where you are in your journey.  On my birthday this year, I signed myself into a domestic violence shelter.  This time I promised myself I was done, whatever I had to do, I would get away from him, and never go back.  The week prior to entering the DV shelter, I was sleeping in a motel room, then the back of a van.  The kids were with my parents.

Since June 21st, I have taken many chances and placed faith where I thought was none.  I prayed every night for the strength and courage to do what I needed to.  Until Novemeber 5th, I spent the entire time, fighting for my sanity with H and his constant onslaught of attacks. 

I dropped out of all but one of my college classes, I started a new job, my parents helped me get a loan on a new car, I lost hours in my new job due to an inappropriate patient, I was granted a protective order, I didn't see S4 for three weeks as H used severe manipultion, FOG, to try to get me to break and drop the legal procedure, he only has supervised visits, I got a new apt after hard work (where it is a safe place and I don't have severe anxitey), I have a wonderful and kind neighbor, I live in a safe neighborhood with good schools, when my kids were at my parents for the holidays, I worked sometimes 10-11 hours a day with my new job and door to door deliveries to make up for lost hours, I got a call from the legal aid group that they are going to help me with my divorce/custody, the DA is pressing charges on him from the assault back in January, they gave me a clothing voucher for myself and the boys, and today I got a call from the local PD telling me that we have been nominated to do Xmas shop with a cop in a couple weeks.

I promised myself this was it.  I still feel some guilt when it comes to the boys not seeing H, but I keep reminding myself that he brought it upon himself.  All actions have consenquences.

The point I guess I am trying to make is, we all deserved to live happy, healthy, safe lives.  I feel like I have been blessed beyond what I could of ever imagined and I am thankful.  If you are doubting what life will be if you leave.. I am living proof, things do get better.  It will take hard work, patience, consitency, but it can happen.  Walking away from him was the best choice I ever made.

[formflier]

 

Imagine what you would like to post at the start of December 2021.   I'm looking forward to reading that post.

Cheering you on and so happy and thankful for you!

Best,

FF

[worriedStepmom]

I'm really proud of you, and I'm glad you are really proud of yourself.

You are in a much better place now, and I'm excited to see what you can do in 2021!   

[mggt]

So proud of you.  Your determination.  You should pat yourself on the back. Great job.  Taking care of yourself and kids. 

[I Am Redeemed]

You did a lot of very hard, brave things that have paid off!

You deserve to enjoy the peace and freedom and safety that you now can have. I'm so proud of you!

And the guilt will dissipate. You did the right thing!

[CoherentMoose]

Oh my, what a great post!  Congrats on  your progress.  You provide a shining example of how one can start from a very difficult position and slowly, sometimes painfully, crawl out to a much better place.  Again, congratulations!  CoMo

[zachira]

You are an inspiration to others, above all your children.

[Cat Familiar]

So wonderful to hear, Frankee     

You worked so hard to get through all the difficulties you faced and now things are finally getting a bit easier. 

This will be a time you will reference in the future to acknowledge your strength and resiliency.

Like others have said, you are an inspiration! 

[MeandThee29]

What an encouraging story! Thanks for sharing it. You dug deep and found courage and strength within.

When I signed my divorce agreement, my wonderful attorney asked if I wanted a hug. Well, of course! He hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, "Be brave and make good of this."

And over a year later, I'm still living that. I'm still in closeout, but being brave and making good is what it's about.  

[Mutt]

Thanks for sharing your story. It’s truly inspiring in such a difficult year.  I can tell from your words that it’s not easy what you’re going through but I love how you keep pushing forward. One day this will be a distant memory. Keep going 

[Frankee]

Thank you all so much for the beautiful words and incredile support

I had S10 ask if they could see Dad.  I told him the first thing that I could.  I asked him if he remembered how Daddy had anger problems.  He said he did.  I told him that Dad was getting help for it and is just having a real hard time dealing with things.  I know I still need to talk to him about how long it is going to be before they see H.  S10 also told me that he doesn't want to move back to the houseboat that he would miss his friend and school.  I reassured him that we were never moving back to the houseboat (a promise I know I can keep)

My parents are coming down for a week to spend xmas break with us and I think that will be good for the boys.

I still get messages from H over the court monitored app.  I am still much on guard.  He says stuff like he misses his family.  I reply, I am assuming you are calling the boys your family.  He says he misses everything.  I still get upset at things like that.

I know I still have a long journey of healing and peace to make with myself.  It's a work in progress, but I am getting there.

[formflier]

What are the next steps and timelines that you see?

So glad things are moving forward.

Is the only "allowable" contact through the court monitored app?

Best,

FF

[I Am Redeemed]

It's been three years since I left. And in that time ex has been basically homeless, doing drugs, and in jail. So when I get the random messages talking about him missing the kids, I still have the urge to tell him he's a hypocrite and it's all his fault.

I don't. I let it pass. It is his fault, but telling him that never changed a thing.

Are these messages monitored by anyone?

You're not responsible for emotionally supporting him in the wake of the consequences of his own actions. What type of communication is allowed between you two? If it has nothing to do with visitation or the wellbeing of the kids, you don't have to respond.

[Goosey]

Good good. New paths ahead.
Your in control

[Frankee]

What are the next steps and timelines that you see?

So glad things are moving forward.

Is the only "allowable" contact through the court monitored app?

I signed the restraining agreement with the legal department for the county.  They are going to be starting to build my case this week with divorce and custody.  I am being patient with that because I know that is another long road ahead.  The court monitored app is the only way he is allowed to communicate and I am beyond grateful.  I had eliminated the hundreds of phone calls, voicemails, and text messages.

I don't. I let it pass. It is his fault, but telling him that never changed a thing.

Are these messages monitored by anyone?

You're not responsible for emotionally supporting him in the wake of the consequences of his own actions. What type of communication is allowed between you two? If it has nothing to do with visitation or the wellbeing of the kids, you don't have to respond.

I have found myself typing on messages because I am letting my emotions get the better of me, but then I delete the messages and end up sending nothing.  I find that it is the same stuff I have been saying over and over and I am done. I am not 100% how the app works.  I don't know if they check it daily or only if a problem happens where they need to go back and see what happened.  I am assuming it's checked daily so they can nip any problems in the butt when they happen.

I told him today that I will allow talk about things related to the boys and everything else is null and void.  It's going to be up to me to filter what I reply because I know he can't control himself.  His next court date in the 18th for the assault charge.