My son refuses to address his BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi!  My son knows he has BPD but refuses to address it with therapy.  He has substance abuse issues, relationship issues, and family issues and recognizes when things are not going well and asks for help but then goes right back to his behaviors.  He is 21 so I don't know what my options are.  He has run-ins with the law for his behaviors and has a court date coming up. I am hoping they force him to get help.  Thanks!

[momof4boys]

Hi!  My son knows he has BPD but refuses to address it with therapy.  He has substance abuse issues, relationship issues, and family issues and recognizes when things are not going well and asks for help but then goes right back to his behaviors.  He is 21 so I don't know what my options are.  He has run-ins with the law for his behaviors and has a court date coming up. I am hoping they force him to get help.  Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Resiliant]

Hi Momof4boys,

Welcome to the group, and sorry for what brings you here!

I guess the good news is that your son knows he has BPD.  Many of us here struggle with adult children who are in denial.

Part of the difficulty right now could be in relation to his age.  Is it possible that he thinks he doesn't have to do better because of his diagnosis? 

Although there is never an easy solution to BPD, and it is a long road of hard work for both the person with BPD and their loved ones I do believe that you and he can have a future that looks better than what you are going through right now.

You do have options, such as whether or not to continue to allow him to live at home, and what support you are willing to offer him according to his cooperation.  How old are your other boys, is he the oldest?   Do you have any other family support?

You aren't alone, there are many others here who are either going through or have gone through what you are dealing with.   Keep us posted, I'm sure more here will chime in.

All the best

R

[candycorn]

We are also parents of four boys.  Our third son, age 35, appears to have BPD.  But he says his mother and I are the ones who need help.  He refuses to take advice from anyone or anybody.

[Pomsie]

BPDs and other personality disordered individuals, do poorly in therapy. They may go a few times, but many dont think that they are the problem. When a therapist challenges their view of the world it is often too upsetting to the BPD and they walk away from therapy. They are very charming and often times I think it’s hard for even counselors to pick up on what their issues are, and they’re not likely to tell their counselors that they have a personality disorder. My daughters been going to counseling for about six months now but it took until she was 34 years old for her to stick with it a little bit longer. But I can tell she is still lying to the counselor making up stories about all these people who have been horrible to her and not focusing at all on any of the damage and destruction she has caused over the last 15 years. It’s always someone else. So I hold out hope but not very high.
Sounds like it’s time for him to move out. You can’t change their behavior but you can set boundaries for what you will and will not except at home and if he can’t live with that he hast to go. You used to be able to go to court and ask the judge to have the person be put into a mental institution to get some help for their problems, but I don’t know if judges do that anymore.

[Lollypop]

Hi there momof4boys

My son knows he has BPD but refuses to address it with therapy.  

My son was very scared when he got diagnosed at 24. He felt utterly hopeless. He also doesn’t trust the medical professional. He thinks he knows better than them. At 21, maybe your son is reeling from the diagnosis. How have you taken the news?
 

He has substance abuse issues, relationship issues, and family issues and recognizes when things are not going well and asks for help but then goes right back to his behaviors.

Well, it’s very hard to change our behaviours and he’s got bpd so it’s going to be a long road of getting things wrong. Substance abuse often exists with bpd. My son self medicates.

 He is 21 so I don't know what my options are.  He has run-ins with the law for his behaviors and has a court date coming up. I am hoping they force him to get help.

He’s got to be motivated and engaged with any treatment to see any benefits. There are no quick fixes.

It sounds like you’re having a tough time right now. Hang in there.

 

There’s a lot you can do to help you interact with your son. Once I started to learn about BPD I was able to get myself a few steps ahead. Is your son working?  How is that going?
If not, how is he funding his lifestyle?

Your situation can improve but it starts with you. What support do you have?

LP