My boyfriend has bpd and sometimes I don’t know what to do

[Camr1]

My boyfriend and I have almost been together for 2 years (20yF) (25ym) and share a home together. He struggles with bpd and has very bad episodes. He tells me I’m better off without him and he puts on an act for me but hes always not happy and the episodes are the real him and I just break down and cry. But then it passes and he’s back to his loving self. I don’t want to believe he’s actually like that and putting on an act for me but he makes it so believable. I have no one to talk to about this because I don’t want my friends or family looking down on him for having a mental illness. he is so kind and loving and always takes care of me. I don’t want to leave him but I fear he’s going to kill himself and leave me.. does he really mean what he says or is this a bpd trait of him trying to push me away.. please help me

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[icntblvethis]

Is he getting treatment?

[Camr1]

No he is not , he always says nothing works and he’s tried counseling and meds and nothing works and it’s pointless but I’m trying to get him to go back

[Hopeful and Tire]

This is similar to my relationship. My husband is like two different people. When he is down/upset/depressed he becomes either despair ridden or angry and during the "episode" which can be a day or multiple days, she tells me that this is just him without his "mask" that he wears all of the time. Then it passes and he is a kind, apologetic, fun, charismatic husband/dad. It makes me feel terrible to know he feels badly all of the time. He has threatened his life a few times in the 20 yrs we've been together but then says he would never actually do it. Our therapist has helped me keep my boundries around that. I realize now that there have been signs/episodes of this since we started dating in college, it's just gotten worse in the last few years. He never sought counseling before though. Does your boyfriend have history of depression, childhood trauma? This is hard, I feel ya!

[Cat Familiar]

Here’s a good article about what it takes to be in a relationship with a partner who has BPD: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship