I have a mom with BPD. Who else?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've been trying to find online support groups for a long time. I'm a teen who grew up with a mom who has borderline. I read a book that my dad gave me about it and finally realized that there are other people who have had similar experiences. It would just be nice to have people to relate to and talk to about this. Mostly because it just feels like such an odd and scary life to have lived. Something that most people couldn't understand. I didn't even know that she had a disorder at all until recently. However, she isn't aware of it and would NEVER hear about it without raging out and all the typical things. "You think I'm crazy", telling me it was all my fault, etc etc. I'm out of her house now and have been for a few months, I live with my dad. So now I'm able to get a different perspective on everything that happened. Does anyone want to share experiences?

[Sadgirl59]

I've been trying to find online support groups for a long time. I'm a teen who grew up with a mom who has borderline. I read a book that my dad gave me about it and finally realized that there are other people who have had similar experiences. It would just be nice to have people to relate to and talk to about this. Mostly because it just feels like such an odd and scary life to have lived. Something that most people couldn't understand. I didn't even know that she had a disorder at all until recently. However, she isn't aware of it and would NEVER hear about it without raging out and all the typical things. "You think I'm crazy", telling me it was all my fault, etc etc. I'm out of her house now and have been for a few months, I live with my dad. So now I'm able to get a different perspective on everything that happened. Does anyone want to share experiences?

[beatricex]

Hi Sadgirl59,
Welcome

My mom is BPD'd.  I learned of it when I was in my late 20's, when someone mailed me a book about Borderline Personality Disorder, which I read.  The anoymous person who mailed me my book apparently thought I had BPD.  Sort of ironic, but I learned about my mom's disorder this way, as nearly everything fit her.

I'm glad you're here.     I think you will find much support here.

b

[nomoreeggs]

Hey,

Me three! I'm 28, and realized my mom had bpd when I was probably 19? And just recently (like yesterday...) finally decided to end the relationship with my mom. I had been in therapy since July talking through the relationship, trying to find workarounds and ways to still have some contact with her, but she absolutely disregarded every boundary I set. I just got to a point where I felt like if I continued to allow this person access to me and my energy, I am disrespecting myself and not loving myself. I'm currently grieving the loss of the relationship and the loss of hope for reconciliation, but I'm looking forward to better days. I have found this group so supportive over the years. Even just reading other people's experiences with bpd family members makes me feel so seen. It's so hard to explain to people who do not have direct experience with bpd because bpds can present so normal in public. I hope you find support here, too.

[Sadgirl59]

Thank you! It's nice to know that someone else understands. I'm only 14, so it's not exactly my choice as to whether I can have a relationship with her. However, I'm living with my dad as of a few months ago. I'm glad that you're able to move on with your life in a positive way and begin to heal. It's so hard to figure out how to keep a relationship when you have a parent or loved one with BPD. I'm starting my healing process as well. I do think that my mom will force the issue of visitation though. I love her but it's very hard to handle her. Somehow she always manages to make me feel guilty or shameful, even if it's from across the country . I'm just glad that I've found a sort of support group because I never knew others were going through similar things!

[PearlsBefore]

Speaking as a father, there's a severe lack of books and resources for children that deal with BPD parents - there are a handful of picture-books for children under the age of 5 (Umbrella for Alex, Millie the Cat has BPD, Weather House, etc... I prefer "Meltdown Moments", I own a handful of others for my children) but almost nothing for children between the ages of 5 and adult. The best adult book on it is certainly Dr. Lawson's "Understanding the Borderline Mother", but it's written more as a work for academics, fathers and professionals trying to help her...though I've heard adult children of BPD mothers say it's useful, so maybe? GBooks has a preview of Chapters 2-4 only, https://books.google.ca/books?id=HsacRRwVPscC&dq=&redir_esc=y - should be enough to decide whether it looks worthwhile. Sci-Hub also offers https://sci-hub.st/https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2819472/# and such - but again, written for professionals (although at least about your age range). Youtube has some videos although none that stand out as exceptional, and TPB has some of the more popular (but not the best) books on it. I dislike the cesspool and never recommend anyone seek advice there, but r/BPDmemes does sometimes lighten the mood when I'm getting frustrated focusing on somebody's BPD.

Similarly, the "Family Connections" program is really only for adult members - and when I asked about resources for my children, they were a little confused themselves and just suggested "how about therapy?" which wasn't the most informative response.