How does this work? Need Recommendations now please

[Jean2021]

My husband has BPD and polysubstance abuse disorder. I've been trying to get him diagnosed properly and in therapy for this for years. Im a firmer therapist myself and I still have a hard time finding a therapist who will deal with BPD and who knows how to treat. They just dance around the issue. Now that therapy is all online, does anyone know of a good therapist? He has Humana Medicare & Medicaid combo plan. He has admitted he meets mist of the criteria but hes too afraid  to explore further. He doesn't want another label.

Also, resources such as videos I can share with him or short articles or books written to help patient come to terms and let them know there is hope...and what to do next...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

As you know, it can be incredibly hard to get someone with BPD into therapy. https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

DBT is the treatment of choice when someone with BPD is willing to participate.

Have you checked out Psychology Today’s website? I’ve heard that they have links to online counseling now in the Covid era.

[PearlsBefore]

There's not just the issue of getting the pwBPD to agree, but there's also the issue to which I think the OP was referring...therapists never want to touch someone with BPD because it literally affects the insurance rates they pay. It's part of the questionnaire which mental health professionals need to fill out for malpractice insurance, what percentage of their clients manifest BPD - not because they're more likely to commit malpractice, but because they're more likely to end up being accused of it and costing the insurer a lot of unnecessary court-time to prove something insane didn't happen. As Judith Hermann notes in her book (relatively good, not fantastic), 1992b, p. 123 - when juniors ask senior professionals how to handle BPDs showing up in their clinic...the answer is invariably "refer them to someone else, don't let it be your problem".

You might consider splitting the need into two parts, depending how serious his symptoms/troubledMind are. A therapist who may not be aware of the fact he has BPD (though over time has a growing suspicion) but simply addresses the symptoms he describes...that'll mean they're more likely to accept him as a patient. Then a lesser-seen psychiatrist (or psychologist if you insist) to handle the actual larger-scale problems of BPD such as how to find the right drugs that calm the tempest either long-term or short-term if that's an issue he has.

[steev]

I know all about this! My bpd wife sued her therapist because the T reacted negatively to one of my wife's outbursts toward her. That ordeal set us back 5 figures$ and of course we lost. It was a disaster.
I also have the distinction of being a good friend with a psychiatrist. He is wealth of information on the issue and shares his experiences with such clients with me. He never named anyone, just his experiences with them, all familial and "close to home!"
He said it is hard work and draining, when he had felt he couldn't help them he would offer to give up their therapy when they would be abusive towards him. Characteristic responses were profound in the way they collapse into the abyss of sobbing and then to owning their behaviors and begging to continue seeing him. By the second or third appointment after that they don't even acknowledge the episode and it's back to business as usual…

[B53]

Jean2021,
My ex’s therapist told him, that therapists who treat BPD, see a therapist themselves because it can be so difficult dealing with them. His therapist specializes in BPD. I went on line and googled therapist in my area that Treat BPD and found a list.

There is a podcast called Borderline to Beautiful. The person who does the podcast is a recovering BPD. I got my ext to listen to the one about favorite person and why is everything my fault. I think for him it was aha moment.

He hadn’t  been in therapy long enough and devalued me and then walked out. I had enough so I said I was done. He has been really working hard to get better and has done everything that has been asked of him. It has been over two months and he says he is much better and wants us to try again. I don’t know if I’m up for it.
Best of luck
B53