Denial

[Jonny Law]

Hello folks- my high functioning wife is in denial. Very few people besides our therapist and my kids see what is happening. Loving and well meaning friends are making it worse. My wife sees my boundaries as cruel since she lives for “connection”. I can’t connect because we can’t talk about BPD and conflict to her is better than no connection. Thoughts?  Thanks

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Yes, you’re absolutely right about conflict being preferable to no connection for people with BPD. They want to have an outlet for their feelings and conflict helps them do that.

Though you can’t talk about BPD, and it wouldn’t help even if you could, as it would just further reinforce her feelings of being damaged goods, you can connect with her in other ways where she will feel seen and supported.

Check out this article:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy