hello I'm new left my husband now what

[Depression = 72% of members]

First of all I want to thank you all for the warm welcome. I am so glad I found your site since I have been floundering since I moved out from my husband 4 months ago. We are still married and I have moved out of state to my home.
It's only been since I moved out that I suspect my husband may have BPD traits. I was at a loss as to why our marriage was crumbling before my very eyes and I didn't know what to do to make it stop. My husband and I are both in our mid 60s.
The last thing in the world I wanted to do is move out but my body, mind, and spirit were dying so I did out of pure survival.
I've researched a lot about the traits of BPD and I really relate to every post and articles and videos on this awesome site.

[rollin]

First of all I want to thank you all for the warm welcome. I am so glad I found your site since I have been floundering since I moved out from my husband 4 months ago. We are still married and I have moved out of state to my home.
It's only been since I moved out that I suspect my husband may have BPD traits. I was at a loss as to why our marriage was crumbling before my very eyes and I didn't know what to do to make it stop. My husband and I are both in our mid 60s.
The last thing in the world I wanted to do is move out but my body, mind, and spirit were dying so I did out of pure survival.
I've researched a lot about the traits of BPD and I really relate to every post and articles and videos on this awesome site.

[Lucky Jim]

The last thing in the world I wanted to do is move out but my body, mind, and spirit were dying so I did out of pure survival.

Hey rollin,

Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.  Many of us have been in your shoes.

Right, sometimes getting off the roller coaster is a matter of self-survival, so in my view you did the right thing.  I almost destroyed myself in my marriage to a pwBPD.

Suggest you focus on yourself and your needs as a first step.

LuckyJim

[brighter future]

Hello rollin,

I'm sorry to hear that his has happened to you. As Lucky Jim said, make it a priority to focus on yourself first and foremost. These types of relationships will literally wear you out and cause you to lose yourself in the process.  How long have you and your husband been married and what are some of the difficulties that you've had in your relationship with him?

I was married to a borderline for six years that had various other disorders as well, so I can identify. I ended up leaving her after her condition failed to improve. I hated to, but I had to look out for my child and myself. Sadly, I got into a similar relationship a few years ago this summer. It lasted for close to two years, but fortunately for me it ended before we got married (she'd been pressuring me for marriage for about 5 months then abruptly left me). So, I and the others here can identify with what your going through.

Best wishes and take care of yourself.

[rollin]

A big thank you to Lucky Jim and Brighter Future for your kind words of support! ♥️♥️
Here are more details to my story:
My husband and actually met as teenagers in highschool over 40 years ago and were married in 1975, I left the marriage after 5 months as I could see his partying with his friends took more priority than our marriage so starting a family would be a struggle.
In 2012 I found him on Facebook and contacted him. In 2018 I moved from my state back to his state and moved in with him. He wanted to get married right away but I told him I'd like to wait for a year, which he grudgingly agreed to. Right away he would insult my body image behind jokes trying to convince me I should be ok with these insults since his daughter and grand daughters just went along with these insults and that I should too. He began to start giving me silent treatment. This is when I started documenting his behaviors because I know how I can minimize injustices done to me, I'm so glad I did.
Before our wedding he started yelling in my face saying he is the only one who has ever loved me and told me to never mention an ex again.
I suggested we postpone the wedding and get couples counseling, he said he didn't want to let down his best man.
3 months after marriage he raged at me and triggered my CPTSD which really scared me. One of the things he said was if you ever leave me I will be devastated. The next day he acted like nothing happened and bought me lots of nice gifts, which became a pattern.
His total denial of the rages really scared me. Lots of silent treatment in which really hurt because I never knew why.
Silence on holidays and my birthday and our 1 year anniversary.
Accusing me if things I didn't do, blaming me for everything, telling me I didn't like his friends. Dirty looks, triangulating with friends and family. Not answering texts and phone calls.

[cash05458]

Hi Rollin and welcome. This is a very good place with many many wonderful, knowledgeable folks.

I am new here myself and going thru a terrible breakup and recovery myself so can't offer much advice as I have work to do...but I will say this about Rage attacks.

They are indeed terrible to deal with...I have never seen anger in my life as I did with my ex- BPD...anger isn't even a good word...Rage really covers it much better...and I found they sort of left me entirely stunned...lost even...it seems we were either recovering from one and merely waiting for the next one. Every single boundary line of things that shouldn't be said, vulnerabilities used and weaponized...happened in those rage attacks. For years I lived with a feeling of living in a completely darkened room while someone unseen was swinging a bat...not knowing when it was going to hit, but that it surely would out of the darkness...so much so that I even began to find comfort in the silent treatment and the ignoring...

Of all the BPD symptoms and expressions, I found the rage attacks the most overwhelming and destablizing... to both myself and the relationship.