How to heal from the make-up/break-up cycle

[Jacko]

My ex and I were together off and on for many years. It was a very complex situation from the beginning and never seemed to shift from being overly complicated. We spent several years apart and then came back together at a time when I was strong, independent, and very happy. So when they returned to my life I ignored my own reservations because I thought I could handle the connection. This worked for a short period and then it became askew when my ex-partner would go through cycles of idealization and then discarding or trying to avoid further connection - often leaving me stunned and utterly confused. We had an open relationship as it seemed the only kind of relationship that my ex was able to commit to, and I at the time agreed to giving it a try. It didn't work out well for either one of us and led to many cycles of breaking up and making up. Most recently things escalated when I set some boundaries and made some very strong statements about her parenting and called out her emotional abuse of those she claims to love. This put her on the defense and we have yet to reconcile, nor do I see that as a possibility. More recently when I would spend time with her my internal alarms were off the charts. Like walking on egg shells and like PTSD. I've never really spoken to a therapist about the situation but plan to. It's the only way I can see myself recovering from so many years of the back and forth. I question my own sanity and decisions at this point and am somewhat desperate to heal from all of it. Any advice would be appreciated.

Jacko

[Purplerain23]

Welcome Jacko ! You are in the right place ! The boards provide experience ,strength, and hope. Most of all I have been able to understand what exactly happened to me and how I’ve been effected by be in a relationship with an upwbpd. I can

[cash05458]

Welcome Jacko...many many good folks here so you found the right place...I am new here as well...so won't offer too much advise as going thru my own ending of a bad one and need to find my way...

I will say this tho: questioning your own sanity seems par for the course...so be gentle and kind with yourself if you can...you too have been thru serious trauma...