Rages

[Portie]

Hello, This is my first post and I need advice as I just starting reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells". Can someone help me with this question, "How do I not take my sister's evil rages and verbal attacks on me personally?" I keep reminding myself it is a symptom of this disorder, but it still hurts my feelings to the core. We haven't spoken since December when she declared she will not be "doing" Christmas this year and hung up. She was in a rage because I didn't call her back immediately, so she called to say she was mad and that she did something to hurt me and it is my fault she hurt me. I asked how is it my fault? Her response was, "It's your teacher tone". I responded saying, I am not a teacher and I do not know what that means. She just got angrier and said even my daughter agrees with her. (My daughter never spoke to her so this lie is quite disturbing to say the least) Now she wants to talk like nothing happened, which I read is par for the course. I need to protect my feelings as her words make me sick to my stomach, literarily. Thank you for any advice anyone has for me about protecting yourself from your loved ones verbal attacks.

[beatricex]

hi Portie,
word salad, of course, and you will spend hours (hopefully not days) trying to decipher it because...(spoiler alert) it is designed to not make sense

The game is 'one up-man-ship' and how cute, she called you a "teacher" (a back handed compliment for sure)

I've spent nearly my entire adult life trying to decipher border-splaining.  You can't.  Only they know what they meant, and how it was designed to hurt you.

My advice, find a good friend, a good book, a pet to pet, or any other soothing activity that will erase the entire episode from your brain, and if that is not possible, then just imagine retorting with "that made no sense" (but don't actually do it, just imagine you do) and move on.

It's the best revenge.
 
b

[Dodgy]

I wish I knew how to help myself from verbal attacks and constantly feeling like I did something wrong to provoke the emotional attacks. It's great when there is no drama to rehearse what I will say "next time," but in the moment it's hard. I feel your frustration. If it's any help at all maybe spend a little less time trying to understand it, at least for me, it sends me spinning for days, and more time on making yourself feel worthy and loved. Stay connected to those pieces that fill you up and make you feel worthy.