Sibling Stress and COVID

[Dodgy]

I'm new to this site, but am hoping to look for a group to support me with my sister. She has never been officially diagnosed with BPD, but a counselor I went to suggested she had some hallmark trademarks. After reading "Walking On Eggshells," I finally found some answers to so many issues I have with her. My most recent question regards COVID. She had COVID, and up until then, she wrote it off as a media induced "flu like illness that most people recover from." She had a two week stint with it and was miserable. After she recovered, she claimed she was 'free' and could go anywhere she wanted since she couldn't pass it on. Mask wearing was optional, apparently. The holidays were miserable because my adult children have a newborn and little kids, and my mom is over 75, and they didn't want to see her because she was not being socially distant, nor being careful about her circle (went on an overseas trip, bars, friends, etc.). Long and short, she has not talked to me since before the holidays because we didn't get together,  and our last exchange she said I was living in fear, and I could die a lot of ways besides COVID. I always feel guilty for putting up boundaries, yet try to help her understand my 'side' and it gets me nowhere. I always feel like I am the bad guy, and left wondering if my memory has ever worked properly. She is a terrific and loving person, and I love her dearly, but find these rages are incredibly stressful, and I am never sure where I stand. Looking for feedback regarding any others who have suggestions about how to reach out (I keep trying, but getting stonewalled), and if anyone else has had nightmare holiday fallout due to the COVID issues.

[beatricex]

hi Dodgy,
How about changing the mantra up just a bit?  YOU are a terrific and loving person and deserve to surround yourself with people who get you, appreciate you and don't stonewall you.

If she is BPD'd chasing her is akin to falling in quick sand.

Your memory works fine, this is classic gaslighting.  Trust yourself and your feelings. Glad you're here.

b

[Dodgy]

Thank you! I will definitely try reframing. Love the quicksand analogy...so often I've fallen in and found myself swimming in self doubt and guilt based on completely illogical outbursts.

[Mtnlvr8]

I have spent so much time agonizing in similar moments of fallout only to have a perfectly pleasant interaction not too long after. I don’t know if this is the case with your sister as well, but I understand it is with many bp folks. It’s still stressful and painful, but try to maintain your boundaries, give it space, and the fallout is likely to pass.

Good luck! We’re here for you if you want to discuss it further!